Mandalay (Myanmar/Burma)

To leave Hat Yai in Thailand we took an early morning flight to Bangkok and then transited to another plane for the flight to Mandalay. Most travellers would go to Yangon first as their entry point to Myanmar (although our British government website still calls it Burma, its colonial name when it was part of the British empire.) but just to be a bit different we decided to fly into Mandalay and work our way southwards to Yangon and then exit Burma via the land crossing at Mai Sot back into  Thailand as we needed to kill some time before flying off to the Philippines because over the Christmas period the Philippinos, being mostly catholic, celebrate Christmas big style with major travel chaos and all accommodation prices being inflated and booked up. (much like the U.K!)

So it was another Air Asia flight to Mandalay for another peanuts price (what they charge and the service they provide are excellent for a budget carrier and make Ryanair look like donkeys) and an on time landing at a very remote a scrubby background of an airport. We had pre-ordered our visa’s through the internet which was very straight forward for the sum of $50 each and on landing had no hassle at all getting the visa’s approved. Outside in arrivals we took out some cash which is called Kyats (pronounced chat) and bought a SIM for the phone which they fitted and registered for us in less than a minute for a months internet and talk for under £6. Bargain. Next we bought a bus ticket each into town which was 23km away for just a fraction over £2 each. Bargain! The bus dropped us outside our hotel door. We were shown our room which was a penthouse room (well it was on the top floor with lots of windows) after we complained because the room they gave us first of all stank of fags (yes they still allow smoking in public places here). Feeling really chuffed with ourselves as how well it had all gone since landing we had a beer each and looked forward to what Burma could show us.

Kathy liked to wear a scarf on chilly mornings.

Next morning we had an unusual wake up call at daybreak. (6am) The whole hotel was vibrating and there was this massive noise from outside the window which sounded like a road hammer drill going off in your head when you have a bad hangover. The beer I had was 8.1% but I only had one bottle so no way did I have a hangover. Reluctantly I got up as we were expecting a nice lay in being we had started at 5.15am the previous day so were knackered and pulled back the curtains. There was a huge building site out the back and they were pile driving foundation rods into the ground right outside in preparation for building an office block or another hotel. Nooooooo!

It was a really nice room but the noise was obscene so we got the hotel to change our room (again...they must have loved us?) and had to downgrade to a front room which was a lot quieter but with no window. Overall, apart from that the hotel was fabulous with breakfast on the roof and great service.

After changing rooms which took us until lunch time thus we wasted half a day we ventured out on a couple of boneshaker cycles as Mandalay is a big city and the public transport is local knowledge only via assorted pick-up trucks criss crossing several routes with no map to speak of. First port of call was the Royal Palace, a huge structure in the middle of town (it’s in a shape of a square and each wall is 2km long) Where we had to go through an overcomplicated procedure concerning surrendering our passports to the Army which we declined so they accepted our room key????? and then getting an I.D. badge, signing some big red book for foreigners, leaving our bikes at the checkpoint office, walking through the gate after buying an entry ticket which was overpriced and once inside as it was a 2km walk to the palace and back so you had to hire a local women and her scooter and she would drive you to the palace with yourself pillion,(so it was 2 bikes we had to pay for extra) wait an hour for you and then drive you back. Bizarre! The procedure was reversed at the other end. We wouldn’t have minded but it was not worth the high ticket price or hassle as the palace was in a poor state of repair and not memorable.

We caught the palace guard lion topping up his tan.

Next we hit a beer station nearby but stuck to soft drinks and chips as cycling around the roads took all your wits to stay alive. After our refreshment we headed up Mandalay Hill which overlooks the city. The climb up was amazing as you pass through pagoda after pagoda, up hundreds of steps to the summit with all kinds of bizarre characters, monks chatting away, peeks of awesome views across the city, stray dogs and cats befriending you, every other person saying ‘hello’ to you, artists trying to sell their wares, golden Buddha's, food stalls selling aromatic nibbles, flower sellers, prayer bead sellers, the list goes on. Of course everywhere has to be barefoot. You soon get used to this though as anything remotely religious has to be navigated bare foot, no exceptions. Even when the floor is covered in pigeon droppings and building rubble, dog shit, cat shit, and general debris you still have pad around the so called sacred ground as shoes are considered dirty. Certain places won’t even let you carry your own shoes into the temple. For a certain price someone will ‘look after them for you’ if you wish or just take your chances and flick them off at the entrance with the all the locals and hope nobody takes a shine to them while you’re inside. At the top of the hill we witnessed a beautiful deepest red sunset then raced down the hill to try and beat the dark to get our bikes which were at the bottom. We failed. It was further than we thought. We had no lights on the bikes and there were no street lamps. In fact the only objects that were illuminated were the many pagodas with their assortment of LED disco lights drapped around Buddha's neck and torso. Groovey Buddha!.

When Spandau Ballet saw this they instantly thought of a hit song.

By this late hour, now pitch black (it was only 6pm) Kathy had her first introduction to Burmese public toilets. It was a shocker. An old lady with no teeth ushered her into this dark back alley where she kindly informed her it would costs 200 kyat (about 10p). Off she went into the darkness and re-emerged a few minutes later describing the ‘toilet’ as pitch black with no lights , so had to leave the door wide open and there was a hole in the ground (which you could not see if there was someone else's poopy mess) while she squatted and said the whole tin shed type construction had an overpowering scent of shit. There was no bog roll, no water, but plenty of mosquitoes which she attained a rather splendid amount of bites all over her arse cheeks which bothered her for days. She asked if I wanted to go but I said I would ‘hold it’ until we got back to the hotel even if it took us another hour. The toothless woman went AWOL so we decided not to pay the fee and made a quick get away on the bikes like a couple of bank robbers on a heist. The ride back was a true adventure as we discovered that lights on any kind of road transport were totally optional and most people decided not to take this option. I was worried that something was going to plough into the pair of us at some point as the traffic became increasingly busy now it was rush hour but with a bit of luck we made it back unscathed.

My favourite sign in Burma so far.

After our scare with the cycles the day before we decided a motorbike would be safer next day so asked the hotel to supply us one. They had 2. One which had no brakes which they seemed to think was not an issue and one had no lights which they definitely thought was not an issue. I refused their kind offer but still needed a bike. They offered to get one from a rental shop. The first one that showed up was death on wheels and I would not even test ride it so the bemused owner took it away, Then another chap showed up with another pile of bolts with no front brake and the seat would not close but the lights worked. I mentioned the front brake did not work and he told me with half of his breakfast still hanging out of his lips that not to worry” just don’t use the front brake” and I will give you a discount. By this time the day was slipping away so we took the bike thinking this is as good as it gets. Of course there was no petrol in it so next we had a circus show at the petrol station where the seat would not open/close, so security came over and oiled it for us which was helpful but oil is not going to polish this bag of bolts so we just rode it with the seat perched on top. We reached our destination half an hour later which was U Bein bridge. Basically it’s is a rickety old bridge made of teak than spans the whole width of a seasonal lake. The bridge itself was uninspiring apart from the fact it is mega old and not rotted away. The highlight was crossing it and watching local life go by as normal. Farmers ploughing their fields with oxen and planks of wood with nails in it, fishermen beating the water with sticks and scaring the fish into their nets and monks strolling across asking all the shopkeepers for their rice donations so they could eat. After 3 hours we had enough of this and battled the traffic back to the hotel.

Angus Young was paying tribute to his brother on U Bein bridge.

After the shock at the condition of the motorcycles we decided it would be safer for us to get back on the cycles next day. We headed to an ancient wooden built pagoda that Lonely Planet billed as their number one sight in Mandalay. It was nice enough and peaceful after the hectic journey there where we ended up in the middle of a locals market somehow being buffeted around. The wood roof was ornate and worth a mention the the rest of it average as temples go. I think when the monks made us walk across a muddy field in our bare feet to get to the structure this may have tarnished our judgement. Next was the jade market which was around the corner but on arrival we were asked to pay parking charges for our bikes and foreigners were charged 2500 each to enter while everybody else went for free. We decided we were not that bothered about it after all as it seemed a bit of a scam towards tourists so went for lunch which consisted of a rather nice bakery that we found called Dumbos Cakes which made a mean pastry filled with what we think was chocolate but could have been fruit but for 20p each we didn’t care. That afternoon after avoiding the midday heat we headed to the skinny Buddha which is a huge gold leafed edifice in a park of similar type attractions such as reclining Buddha (we call him lazy Buddha) a large prayer bell which I had a go at ringing and various Buddha forms. This Buddha is significant for being skinny as it was when he fasted in solitude and would not take any offerings of food from the people so became skinny. Every other Buddha you are likely to see is rather chunky in stature so I guess the high calorific content of rice is perhaps not the best diet for a deity. After this it was off to see the biggest book in the world which was at another pagoda but halfway there we run out of steam and decided an afternoon beer station stop was more appropriate. After a nice half litre of draught Myanmar beer for 45p and more chips we called it a day and headed back to the hotel before the light fadedl.

Buddha asked if he could have a couple of our chips as he was famished.

Overall Mandalay was a good introduction to Burma as it was easy but it’s a massive city, with lots of traffic and pollution. We liked what we saw and the people (except for a barber that scammed us and ruffled Kathy’s feathers) so are keen to push on to see what this once forgotten kingdom has got in store for us. Next we get a boat to our next destination Bagan one of the new found wonders of the world.