Pai

No buses run to Pai as it is such a small village up in the mountains near the Myanamr border so we booked a minibus for the belly churning 3.5 hours ride up there. The road is a torturous twisting snake with a lunatic bus driver trying out the laws of physics by placing inertia forces on us that try to throw you out of your seat, so much so it leaves your knees sore from gripping the seat in front.
  Once at Pai it was a short hike to our cabin on the side of the river overlooking a garden. Nice and tranquil which is good as Pai has a reputation as a bit of a party town. After a quick mosquito killing session which we have grown very fond of over the months and has become a sport where Kathy and I compete to achieve the most 'kills' in one session.(extra points if it has blood in it on splattering).
   We head into town and tour the hedonistic walking street where stall holders compete to sell their wares to inebriated tourists who tend to be a lot younger and naive crowd here. Again being peak season it was busy but not uncomfortable as there was plenty of space to eat and drink from upmarket latte cafes to local wok dives. Of course we frequented the latter. After dinner which came to a mighty £1.60 for the pair of us, we hired a bike for a bargain £3.60 a day. I think our budget is going to like this place. Loading the bike up with beers and transferring them to our fridge we retired to our veranda to peer out into the pitch blackness and guess at what the star constellations were above us.

Chilling out  on the veranda of the cabin.

 Next day was a slow start as we were feeling a bit travel weary from the faster pace we had taken up since leaving Bangkok and savouring the peace of our country environment. But eventually in the afternoon we jumped on the bike to play bamboo golf. Yeah, that's right, golf played with bamboo clubs and tennis balls on rice paddies which had been grassed over. It was a right laugh. We had a lesson from the owner who was Scottish and quite a character with his Thai wife and 3 kids. He had been living there for 17 years and built his own house and then the golf course as a way of making an income. He was full of stories, some were a bit far fetched but we found him very entertaining and he even gave us free drinks and fruit. And the golf was only £1.70 a round. But the funny thing was his wife was the 'boss' as of course with him being a foreigner and not allowed to own property or land in Thailand so he had to buy it in her name. I wonder what happens when she bores of him and kicks him out?

Fred Flintstone lines up a shot at bamboo golf.

  We were pretty exhausted after the combination of playing golf and sifting through Jock's bullshit so headed back to base as the clouds looked menacing. That night was again Kathy insisting we walk around the walking street to buy strawberries and more beer.
  Next day was an early(ish) start so we headed to a local waterfall beauty spot up in the mountains. The waterfall itself was uninspiring but we spotted some butterflies at the top of them. We climbed up to the top and ended up in a cloud of butterflies all around us. There must of been hundreds of them, all sorts of colours and sizes mating on the rocks. We sat there and were swarmed by the butterflies where they started to land on us. This was really cool until I realised that all the butterflies had ejaculated on my foot. They were the randiest butterflies I have ever seen. All of them were at it having group orgies on the rocks. A weird experience indeed.

Anyone got a tissue?

  Leaving the butterflies to their sex games we headed off on the bike again to the Chinese village, which is a tacky mock up of a village in China, albeit a bit too perfect for the tourist experience but still interesting.  It was made with  government assistance as previously this village's main income was opium production, so when the troops came and burnt down the crops and imprisoned the men they had no source of income so built this fake village to fleece the tourist crowds. Still on the ride up there we had plenty of offers of 'happy cigarettes' being sold on the side of the road. Inside the village we had the chance to try Chinese sweets and different types of green tea, some nice, some not so. The highlight though was when the owner pulled out this clay model of a baby who started 'peeing' out of his tiddler all over the floor. Kathy and I were in hysterics and the owner was laughing with us even though she must of seen it hundreds of times. We bought one just for the novelty value but not sure if it will make it back to England in one piece though.

Chinese village bridge gets attacked by triffid invasion.

   After the village we drove back into Pai and in a moment of weakness decided we need some good old fashioned western food after noodle and rice overload lately. We found a nice cafe who served up scrambled eggs on toast with real butter for me and Kathy opted for beans on toast with ginger tea while I had fresh ground coffee. Never had such a simple meal tasted so good.
  After our unauthentic Thai lunch we went cruising on the back roads where there was no traffic, the sun shone, our t-shirt were flapping in the breeze and the jungle a glowing green. Times like this make travelling such a carefree existence to be savoured. After a few kilometres we stumbled upon an elephant retirement camp so pulled over to investigate. There we encountered a boozed up Thai Ronnie Corbett who very kindly introduced us to the elephant called Soy who was 45 years old and retired after being used in the jungle to haul logs before the logging ban was introduced in Thailand.
   We spent the hour petting and feeding Soy and chatting to Ronnie who had a convoluted tale about being married to a Belgium woman who lived in Belgium with his 2 kids. Maybe it was the Chiang talking.

Ronnie Corbett and me. It's good night from him......

 He was very charming though and it was very educational with all the info he gave us on the life of elephants. He never asked for any money at any stage and even offered us to wash the elephants in the river for less than £15 each which is a good deal considering but we had limited money left as we were flying out in less than 2 days so declined. (plus we had done it before on our last visit to Thailand). We liked this place as the elephants were unchained, left in a paddock which they could easily break out of if they desired but chose to stay to be fed and petted by doe eyed tourists like ourselves. Also they did not offer rides which hurts the elephants backs which ethically was a good thing for the elephants happiness. In fact we had never seen an elephant so happy.

Kathy the elephant whisperer tells Ellie she wants a banana.

   After we left Ronnie to pickle himself on more Chiang we headed to Pai canyon, a strange earth formation out in the jungle. It was OK.and unspectacular but afforded good views of the surrounding mountains and jungle. By this time the sun was going down so we headed back to base to return the bike,(on the ride back, the bike in front of us ran over a huge snake that was crossing the road, an oriental rat snake we later found out, and as we approached the snake it reared up in retaliation to bite the closest thing that injured it, which was us, so we had to do some nifty manoeuvres to avoid this huge snake thrashing around in the road, which was closer than we liked as those snakes can really move) eat noodles, walk the walking street again to score .....yes, you guessed it strawberries and beer. Kathy also bought some natty baggy trousers ethnic style but on getting back to the cabin found them way to big so had to walk all the way back into town to try and get her money back. The store owner did not want to give her the money back but Kathy does not do 'no' very well and battled on until she wore them down and they parted with her shekels.

You been framed.

  We really enjoyed Pai, it was one of our favourite places in Thailand and we could have easily stayed another 2 or 3 days but as I mentioned we had to get back to Chiang Mai to catch our next flight to Manila in the Philippines. Next day we got the stomach churning minibus back to Chiang Mai where we stayed in an airport transit hotel. The room was really nice but the hotel was on the side of a motorway so the traffic noise was really loud. We ended up going to the cinema next door at the airport plaza and watched the latest Star Wars instalment which was only £2.20 each for V.I.P. chairs. After a lay in next day we packed and got a taxi to the airport where our plane was delayed and we arrived at Kuala Lumper late where we had an overnight transit flight before flying to Manila next morning. Unfortunately I had booked the wrong hotel at the airport which really gave Kathy the hump when we had to catch a bus and then get an expensive taxi to the other airport to get our room. The room was the size of a shoe box, also next to a motorway, with transit passengers coming and leaving noisily all times of the night so sleep was not good. The breakfast was good though and the hotel ran a minibus shuttle to the terminal we needed for free so it all worked out good in the end but by the time we boarded the plane which was also delayed (damn you Air Asia) we were truly exhausted from all the constant travelling in the last 3 days and lack of a decent nights sleep. Now we only had 2 nights in Manila until we had our next flight to Palawan where our next destination El Nido was awaiting us.