Alona Beach (Panglao Island)

A free hotel to airport transfer at Puerto Princessa for our next flight to Cebu. At Cebu airport we got our luggage and tried to book a taxi via our GRAB app but after one driver cancelled on us and another led us on a merry dance around the terminal pushing our luggage around in the heat. Kathy's fuse blew and we ended up resorting to the inhouse taxi who could get us to pier one in the ferry port to get us on a boat to Bohol island. On paper this looked a simple connection but in practice was a nightmare. The taxi crawled along in heavy traffic for an hour to do the 8km to the port and then it was another hour to queue for our boat tickets, then another half an hour of jostling to get into the terminal. Once inside we had another half an hour to buy port permits and go through checkpoint, after checkpoint, each one trying to stretch our patience a little further. The security scanning was like a free for all bundle like you have at a junior school playground and then we we eventually checked in they told us we would have to pay extra again for luggage. By this point we were worried that we could miss our boat and our stress levels were peaking to melt down mode. Coupled with an unbelievable amount of other bodies in the terminal and the constant pushing in of others who thought queueing was beyond them and the heat we were fuming. Daz decided if you can't beat them  join them so we blatantly pushed in the queues which was surprisingly easy and we did not receive any bad feedback from other passengers so I guess this is the way it is done here. On the boat we took our seats which were shockingly small and uncomfortable for the 2 hour journey to Tagbilaran in Bohol. By now it was dark so there was no view so we just sat there staring at the white bloke in front of us sexually molesting his significantly younger Filipino girlfriend with no shame. It was a disturbing sight. At the port we disembarked and then engaged in the scrum to get our luggage and ended up being last to exit. We still had to get to Panglao Island and all the buses had finished for the day. The queue outside for the taxi and tricycles looked like it was going to be a long wait and we did not have the patience for that so Kathy wanted to walk along the harbour wall to town. After we walked for only 5 minutes we saw a tricycle taxi coming our way that was going to the port so we flagged it down and agreed a price to our hotel which was 16km away. We effectively jumped the queue. Result! As I have previously mentioned, tricycles are not built for 6ft westerners. With all our luggage and ourselves crammed into this tiny receptacle we made the very uncomfortable journey to the hotel, which the driver had no idea where it was so I had to give directions using our GPS on the phone.

Mosquito buffet zone.

  After 11 hours of travelling we arrived and was pleased to see we had booked a jungle house with 2 floors and a kitchen that was all kitted out. Called Bananaland it was owned by an odd but friendly German who we nicknamed Herman. It was situated in a quiet jungle glade with hammocks a plenty so we knew this was going to be a nice place to chill. The resort also had a shop in the main building so we purchased some beers and then some dinner and cooked up a modest feast in the kitchen then it was hammocks on the veranda and some nice cold Red Horse beers before bedtime.
   Next day we were so knackered from the previous day that we made some breakfast and just chilled out. The weather was also dodgy so the day started with hammocks swinging and coffee glugging. Eventually by the afternoon we decided to explore the beach and town. The beach was the brightest and whitest sand so far on our travels and lined with palm tress, just the way we liked it. The town was no great shakes....scruffy and ugly. We parked ourselves in a beach side bar who were having a 50p a bottle beer promotion (a 7% head banger we later found out) and chilled out watching the waves and all the freaks walking past. There was a shortcut back to the hotel but you had to buy a day pass to access this as it was through a posh beachfront resort. Not wanting to pay for such a trivial matter, Kathy blagged the security guard and he let us in for free. Result!

Alona beach. Dreams do come true.

   For the next day we booked a tour to an island offshore called Baliscarag which was world reknown for its fish and coral reefs along with giant turtle spotting. We boarded a traditional Bangka boat with the 8 other passengers and started the 35 minute crossing. The engine was so loud that by the time we got there all of us were deaf. Some of the passengers even pulled out earplugs! One of the passengers even jumped overboard which was a bit extreme but we found out later why he did this.

We watched as the crew walked the plank to get away from the engine noise.

 Once there we were herded around and then the rip-offs started in earnest and we quickly found out there were scams aplenty. All the other passengers just reeled off their bundles of notes to the con men but Kathy and I decided it was all a bit sneaky so bit back and got some major concessions on equipment hire and fees. This was after all the other passengers had paid and they did not say a thing when we received our discount. Just too polite! Their loss. A boatman took us out to the dive site, which we found out we could have walked it. It was packed with other tourists who were trampling all the coral which makes me wonder where our conservation fee went to. After heated exchanges with our boatman who had no customer service training at all, we persuaded him to take us to a better bit but he wanted more money again! We told him to stuff it and give us our money back. He took us to shore and complained to the captain who told him we were  his problem and to get on with it. So this made him even more irrational., He then took us back out to sea. We did not trust him with our stuff on the boat as he had the right hump so decided to take it in turns to snorkel the reef. Daz went first and said the fish and coral were fantastic and we even saw a massive turtle. When it was Kathy's turn, the boatman decided he had enough so said we had to go back to shore as time was up!. We complained. The boatman used his lack of English to blank us and took us back anyway. He was a prize arseh*le and Kathy wanted to drown him but I reminded her we were on a desert island and still had to get back to our hotel. It's best to be rational in these circumstances even though emotions try to derail us although I did agree with her that the boatman deserved to be punished. After watching the other passengers get charged 4 times the amount for their food bill that it would have been on the mainland we set off again for Virgin Island. It was a lovely white sand bar in the middle of an impossible aqua blue lagoon and was stunning apart from some food stalls had set up on it to spoil the view and the amount of other tourists there. The reflection of the sun in the sea got us seriously burnt as well even though we had suntan lotion on. Then it was an earsplitting ride back to town. Overall though the trip was bittersweet as the sights were amazing but ruined by crooked greedy locals. After that we bummed around town for a bit then went back to the resort (Bananaland) for a beer or two and chill.

Worzel Gummidge liked his time away from the fields.

One downside with staying in our jungle cottage was the mosquitoes. There were holes all over the roof and when outside in the hammocks at breakfast or at dusk we became a mosquito buffet. Lotion used to help but they would get you any gap that you did not smother lotion on. Kathy even got bitten on the sole of her foot. That one was uber itchy! With our collection of bed bug bites from El Nido and our collection of mosquito bites here we need a reprieve so decided our next accommodation needs to be sealed from mosquitoes. This is by far the worst country so far for mosquitoes.....they are fast and elusive....and plentiful!

The best star jumps ever!

   Next day we decided the mosquitoes had won so we jumped in a tricycle taxi to go to Bohol for our next destination Baclayon.