Leon (Granada to Leon by shuttle bus)

Why is it so hot? That was the question we were pondering when we left for the short walk from our lodging house to the pick up point for our private shuttle to go to Leon.. The rucksacks weighed a ton in the heat and after a 10 minute walk we were soaked in sweat. Funny that as on the news they were saying it was the coldest winter in years in the U.K. Dodged that bullet luckily. Of course and as usual the shuttle failed to pick us up and we had the agent chasing about for us as we didn't want to be stranded in Granada. The shuttle eventually showed up half an hour late with a load of disgruntled passengers who looked like they had been on board a while before picking us up. Why take a shuttle bus you say? Well lets just say it was a long journey to Leon on the chicken bus, with having to change in Managua the capital which was not the safest place to hang out we were informed, and another 3 hour ride after that on such an uncomfortable mode of transport we dug deep into the kitty for a spot of luxury. Well it wasn't luxury, just a bog standard minibus but at least it had air-con and tip back seats. We were promised a 2h 15min travel time but it was Nicaraguan time which we have worked out needs to be extended by 20-30% to be realistic. Apply this rule and you are fine. After 3 hours and a couple of impromptu stops we arrived at our next home stay which was another private house with kitchen. The house was nice but the room disappointing but had enough comforts to satisfy these tough customers. First thing we noticed was how hot it was. 38c said the weather forecast online and that was too hot for us. We wilted in the heat which was oppressive but by 5pm figured it cool enough to venture outside but we were wrong. Staggering around and resisting cold beers a calling us we managed to find a supermarket to stock up on essentials and since they had air-con we took much longer than we should of. Never have I been so pleased to go grocery shopping.

There was an albino dwarf, Craig David, a she-man, and Kelly Brook displaying the latest fashions. 

  Next day.....it was hotter than hell as we opened the bedroom door to go to breakfast at 6.30am. That night the temperature in the room did not dip below 33c on our thermometer and no one can sleep in that heat. So now we have a routine where we have a long cold shower just before bed time, and go to bed wet, no drying aloud. I stole another fan from one of the other guest rooms in the night as it was so hot, and now Kathy and I have 1 each blasting us on full speed all night and that worked out just fine as long as you don't want sheets and you're comfortable in your birthday suit.
   We ventured out on the mean streets to look for action. We wanted to go volcano surfing which is the must do thing here and soon tracked down an operator we liked and booked it up for next day. But we had an issue as we had to press on towards Mexico so had to make progress in that direction. We had Honduras next on the border to cross but it had no interesting sights to distract us and a reputation of being a country where it was easy to be murdered. In fact it was listed as the second most likely country in the world to be murdered in. Number one was El Salvador, namely the capital San Salvador so we went to a travel agent to buy tickets to go there. They did not speak English, our Spanish is still embarrassingly poor so no tickets were purchased on this occasion thus we licked our wounds and regrouped back at base. We needed a new strategy. Lets hit the coast of El Salvador we decided.. We checked out hotels and soon realised that everything that we could afford was booked......everywhere! As it was Santa Semana (Easter week) which is their busiest holiday of the year we were heading for trouble. We searched in vain for affordable beds but all that was available was the number one murder capital of the world......San Salvador. We swiftly booked the last room of a hotel we could barely afford and hoped our Spanish would improve drastically next day back at the bus company.
Again we went out to wander around town. I went for a haircut and the barber was amazed by my Casio watch that I bought in Burma for £2. He was saying how expensive it looked and when I told him it was a fake and made in China, he could not believe you could buy a watch for £2. He should go to Asia where you can take your pick!  Then we tried to get into a couple of cool museums but decided we could not be bothered to pay $3 each to see stuff that we would be bored with after 10 minutes with our low attention span and IQ count. So you guessed it, it was a nice cool colonial bar called Via Via that caught our attention with those high ceiling whizzing fans calling us over, we settled in for a couple of cold ones while devising a plan on how to avoid being murdered in San Salvador.  The day drifted to night, the dark descended and we retired back to base for nosh and ample rum and beer to keep the heat at bay.

If you like old churches you hit the jackpot in Leon. If you don't than you don't have a prayer. 

   Next morning the doorbell rang and there was our guide for the day Lester who was taking us volcano surfing. For those who are asking what is volcano surfing, or to be more accurate sledging, it is where you walk to the top of a very high volcano and on a board you sleigh down it in the ash deposits on the slope. Pretty unique we thought, lets give it a go! The lorry took us out to the volcano which was a bumpy and dusty ride, swerving around oxen and the like along a dirt road made of volcanic ash. Then the buggers told us we had to walk to the top of this huge black steaming volcano in the blistering heat to the top so we could surf down it. To make it worst we had to carry our own boards up there and all our equipment. You could pay a manservant $5 each to carry it for you but we were too tight to do that so up we went. Huffing and puffing we reached the top and looked into the crater hoping it wouldn't erupt again as it did 12 years ago. Then it was a quick tutorial and off we go. Kath went first and started cautiously but later picked up speed for a grand finish. I waited a while to check out the competition then gave it my best shot gathering enough speed to get scared and flap my legs around wildly looking to slow down. The ride itself was at most 2 minutes and hardly worth the money and effort we had put into it for such a short thrill but still it is one of those quirky once in a lifetime sort of things that make travelling such a hoot. There were a few casualties in the group but nothing major. The trainers got a good shredding though as you use your feet as brakes. Also the volcanic ash penetrates all orifices and will take a day before you can get it all out your of your body and clothes. Worth it though.

Wow! Look at the dust storm we are brewing up. 

 By 2pm we were back at the house, taking a shower and digging all the ash out of hard to get to places, then back off to the bus booking agent.  There we had a Spanish language meltdown in the office as it was so hot our brains decided not to function anymore so we exchanged a very slow and painful conversion by google translate and got our tickets to San Salvador but it did take an hour of wrangling with a very patient agent who did not once lose his rag with us ......so cheers amigo for that. Murder capital of the world here we come!

Guess who got sacked in the morning. 

Wanting to delay going to San Salvador for obvious reasons we booked an additional day at Leon to go to the beach where we had organised a free shuttle to get there. When we eventually got out of bed next day our legs were aching and had problems co-ordinating themselves. After breakfast we decided this was going to be a lazy day so we did some research on the murder capital to increase our chance of surviving our next destinations. We cancelled our shuttle to the beach with a very perplexed tour operator who gave us the ' I just don't give a f#ck what you do just leave me alone' type of vibe to us. So then we went down the bank and exchanged all our remaining Cordoba's for Dollar's then moaned we got charged $3 for the privilege. This was going to be our last day in Nicaragua so we had to tie up all the loose ends like you do before going through 3 border checks tomorrow. We had to do Honduras first and then El Salvador and endure a 10 hour bus ride to arrive late at night in the most dangerous city in the world. Times like this you wish you were back home in your own bed and not having to endure such self inflicted cruelty. In the afternoon I went to try some culture at the 'Museo del Revolucion' which was bizarre if a little boring until the guide took me on the roof which was a rusty corrugated tin sheet affair with ample rust and exposed beams showing on the missing panels. I asked him if it was safe and he laughed and said  "It's safer than if you were an American here at the time of the revolution." I took that as a no but but preceded anyway to take in the killer views of the main square.

The silhouettes surrounded the bike and make it commit to the revolution. 

Kathy meanwhile went on a shopping frenzy and came back disgruntled that it was a tourist rip off. Nothing new there then. The hot day drifted by as it does when you laze around all day sitting on the main plaza watching the locals do their day to day stuff with no agenda and just watch life pass you by with no pressure to meet time lines. It is a beautiful moment to behold as in our modern rush/work/stress lives we never seem to take enough time out just to reflect on how we are feeling and the lives of other people in the world. That reflective moment soon passed by and we had a quiet night in apart from a gang of other (much younger) guests checking in who tried to make it their party zone so we invaded their cool space and made it so uncool that they retired to bed in disgust at us pensioners hanging out with them. We then had a quick check on the condition of our bullet proof vests, helmets and night vision goggles before we caught the Tica bus to San Salvador tomorrow our next destination.
  

Granada (Ometepe to Granada by bus)

Luis from the farm stay on Ometepe gave us a ride to the ferry port where we purchased our £1.15 ticket and boarded at 9am. The crossing was quite rough which was surprising as it is an inland volcanic lake. When I went onto the upper deck to catch some rays from the early sun, the starboard corridor was abundant with a gang of lightweights leaning over the side rail hurling their chunks into the choppy sea. After the 1h 15min crossing we disembarked and ran the gauntlet of over zealous and over inflated price wise Taxi's and walked outside the port and immediately scored a taxi into town for a $1 each. The taxi was instructed to take us to the market where we could pick up a micro bus to Granada which would be more secure and comfortable. But the taxi driver had other ideas and instead dropped us off at the same rotten dust pit that was the bus terminal in Rivas insisting that the micro buses did not exist even though we had good info they did. Greeeaaaat! Another ride on a chicken bus to Granada.

All aboard the chicken bus. Buy some popcorn for the ride of your life(flashing by) on this trip!

 We boarded, dumped our luggage all over the driver bay so we could see it and then took front  rock hard, no legroom,sweaty plastic chairs for the slow 2 hour journey to Granada. At least we had a seat this time which was a bonus and the fare was only 90p each. By the time we got off we both had numb bums and sweaty backs and bruised knees. The bus drops you on the edge of town, but we quickly found a dilapidated taxi who for the grand fee of a dollar each took us to our next hostel which was called Peace and Love, which it may have been until we got there. It was a private house and the owners rent out the rooms to backpackers.

I told her if she carried on waffling on something like this would happen.

The house was large and our room was lovely, decorated like someone actually had been living there. Again no air con which is the norm here in Nicaragua, so the room was like an oven. Once we had splattered the resident mosquitoes we headed down to the market for some supplies as the house had a big fitted kitchen so we could cook some choice nosh. When we got back it was too hot to cook so a salad was prepared and followed by some beers and some of the local rum which was only £2 for a litre and actually very tasty indeed.

Our taxi was 20% original and 80% body filler.

   Next day we set out to explore but the heat was oppressive, coupled with the fact that the rum was fighting back from the night before we settled on withdrawing money from an ATM and retiring back to base. Again we tried later to explore and managed a few well presented streets which if you have ever been to Spain, could have been any city in Spain with its architecture. It was well kept and the streets beautiful with trees and classical colonial buildings.

Granada ,Spain or Granada, Nicaragua?

 We did stumble upon a tour agency, well it's hard not to here as they are everywhere, who sold us a day trip to Apoyo Lagoon which is a volcanic crater which is filled with rainwater plus we booked a  private shuttle to to our next destination Leon. They also invited us to a party where we could have had free cocktails but as it was St Patricks day we found an Irish pub (every town has one) and celebrated in style with a beer. Do you know it was actually too hot to drink beer? So we retired back to the house to have dinner and ventured out later to a Paddy's day celebration gig which featured a Nicaraguan band knocking out a few choice American old school rock anthems which done us just dandy, although they did have a strange take on things with their local style.  We walked back to the house late at night which was a bad idea but got back without being mugged.

What the feck!

   Next day was out trip to Apoyo crater lake. We went down to the pick up point, but surprise, surprise no shuttle turned up. Our agent was locked up tight so no response there. We met another girl from Germany who was pretty cool so she hung out with us as we went to the other office of the agency and told them to sort it out. They did sort it, and our new friend tagged along in the car to our resort on the crater lake shore. Here we had access to a resort to use all their facilities, including Kayaks, rubber car inner tubes, SUP's (stand up paddle boards!) and deck chairs. We stayed here for 5 hours while the sun baked us but the cool clear water of the lake kept us cool. We did a bit of kayaking, a bit of tubing and a bit of  'just hanging out on an offshore pontoon' sort of thing until our time was up and we rekindled with our new German friend and avoided talking about anything to do with the war while we got driven back to Granada.

Cratermass. Hard to believe this is a crater of a volcano.

   We did want to do another trip to the Masaya volcano which is an active volcano where you can look into the crater and see bubbling molten lava but as we had already booked advance accommodation at our next destination Leon so could not cancel it at this late notice without penalty.

Ometepe ( San Juan Del Sur to Ometepe by bus)

Another ridiculously hot day ensued as we packed in anticipation of another ride on the local chicken bus so left the safety of our studio accommodation and walked down to the bus stop to wait for a bus......and waited.....and waited......and waited much to the interest of the local contingent of  chicken bus passengers. The heat was intense even though we were in the shade and we could only wish our bus would have air-con but we had a sneaky feeling it would not be. Just before we both melted in the heat into puddles of British backpacker slush the bus came burping and chugging around the corner to meet us. The bus was already pretty full and was standing room only if you could get in the door. We elected the back door of said 'school bus' and our rucksacks were snatched off us and hauled onto the roof before we could even protest (sorry again Lonely Planet for not following your advice) as we wanted them inside but clearly that was not going to happen as we saw the mass of heaving bodies inside fighting for breathing space. We dithered for a split second in the mayhem and as we did the bus started to pull away with us still on the road behind it. Desperate not to lose our luggage I ran after the bus and managed to grab the rear roof ladder and get a foot on the rear platform while Kathy had grabbed the still open back door and was swinging wildly with one hand on the handle and another on the window jam legs akimbo kicking away trying to locate the bumper ledge to secure a footing while the bus gathered more speed. After securing my foothold and getting 2 hands on the ladder I looked across the doorway in horror to see Kathy with a face of panic hanging on for dear life as her feet were higher than her body as she had a death grasp on the still wildly flapping open door. The worst thing is I could do nothing because if I let go I would fall onto the road as well if I tried to help. This looked like the end of our world tour here and now. This went on for what seemed ages but I am sure it must have only been 10 seconds until the conductor/ticket guy saw we were in trouble and grabbed Kathy by her flailing arm and accompanied by what seemed like all the passengers on the rear of the bus collectively pulled her in to the safety of the inside of the bus. I received no preferential treatment and had to push my way into the the throng of people to get into the bus. I think we were only helped because they wanted to close the back door to stop more people falling out. By this time the bus was doing over 40mph and had no intention of stopping to save 2 penny pinching British backpackers.

Climbing this tree is how comfortable a chicken bus is to ride on. 

  Hearts still pounding with the adrenaline rush we elbowed a tight niche for ourselves in the mass of panting overheated bodies. We did not think it could get any hotter or anymore cramped but that just shows how naive we are. Stop after stop the bus pulled up and more and more people were jammed into the bus. I could not believe how many people they could get into this tin can. I wanted to call up Roy Castle and get him to come down to verify it as a new  Guinness book world record attempt. Somehow in the mayhem Kathy had managed to acquire the edge of a seat at the back which was mainly taken up with an old fat woman who was holding a chicken under one arm doing her best to stop the chicken from being suffocated by the other passengers. I had the undeniable pleasure of being in the middle of 2 very rotund ladies with muffin tops the size of tractor tyres being the British beef in their sandwich. Usually I would relish this sort of female interaction but this time there was no pleasure involved only sweat and pain. Kathy managed to curb her sexual impulses as she had a pair of huge breasts shoved in her face for the whole journey which was not to her wishes. After an hour of this hell, and they had the cheek to charge us £1 each for the fun of the ride, we arrived at the bus terminal at Rivas just before both of us reached our breaking point and I turned into Micheal Douglas and made my own version of Falling Down. The bus emptied, we were reunited with our bags, nothing missing luckily and looked for our connection for San Jorge where the port was for the ferry to the island of Ometepe. We could not find the bus we needed, no one else was going our way so we ended up looking stranded. We became prime targets for the Taxi mafia, and they worked us good, tag teaming with each other until out of frustration and anger we fell for it and paid what we found out later to be 3x the going rate to get us to the port.  I was surprised the taxi made it as I am sure he had stolen it from a demolition derby the day before and this one was most certainly one of the losing cars. I was glad to hand over the overpriced fee in the hope I helped him buy some suspension for his car which he clearly thought it did not need as it scraped along the road.

Kathy notices how fresh the onions looked this morning before boarding the ferry. 

   Next the ferry port. It was actually well organised, cheap at about £1 each and had no queues. We boarded a very suspect looking boat called The Grand Sultana which is a strange name to call  boat but somehow was fitting as the outside of it was wrinkled and dented so badly it did look like a dehydrated grape. After bagging seats for a change we sat down a waited for an hour for the ferry to load up with vehicles and leave and for our patience for waiting, we were rewarded with an hours worth of exhaust fumes being inhaled which with the rocking of the boat sent us off into a nice nap. Just before disembarking we awoke with the loud bellow from the klaxon, and for some reason I had a splitting headache and felt groggy. We stumbled off the ferry onto the dock and luckily my messaging the farm stay we had booked had turned up to collect us. Hooray! We piled into a very Indian looking rickshaw and 10 minutes latter we were being shown our room which although large had no redeeming features to reassure us this was going to be a comfortable stay. It was how can we say......rustic and basic.....and riddled with enough bugs to keep David Bellamy lisping with joy. This was reinforced after our first couple of hours with poor Kathy receiving 30 bites. Again I wanted to reach for the phone and summon Roy Castle off his death bed for another world record attempt. I had an afternoon nap in the hammock on the terrace and woke up with a few red welts and after a nights rest even with our mosquito net fastened up, we awoke with a few talking points about who had the itchiest and most obscure bite. This theme carried on for the rest of our stay but you get the gist.....and yes we did wear repellent. The farm also had 3 dogs that were riddled with fleas that had taken a fondness to Kathy and I, who were proving very difficult to deter. Sitting outside, bugs would randomly dive bomb us, geckos would just fall off the ceiling and midges would get stuck on your eyeball.

My favourite place while staying at the farm stay. 

 Did I tell you this Island was a protected biodiversity zone.  Basically it is a stunning location, made up of 2 volcanoes in the middle of a freshwater lake with an abundance of wildlife and a very low population density mainly due the the volcano being recently active. The island only has one paved road, only one bus route, no traffic and a nice easy going laid back feel. We hired a bike and as you drove around you would come across horses, cows, pigs,chickens,dogs, just going about their business in the middle of the road. It was all a bit random and had a feel like India but without the constant chaos or pollution/rubbish. The people were easy going and friendly and there was no problem about safety here as on some parts of the mainland.

This little chap couldn't stop laughing at my saucy jokes. 

    Next day, after a traditional Nicaraguan breakfast of scrambled eggs and gallo pinto (rice and beans....actually taste a lot better than it sounds) we revved up the bike and headed to our first destination which was called Ojo de Agua (eye of water) which was a natural volcanic spring that gushed mineral rich spring water into a massive man made pool which was perfect for swimming in. This ticked all the boxes as it was so hot here. After paying our $5 each we went in, found 2 deckchairs by the pool side and there we stayed for the whole day as it was such a beautiful location and the water so refreshing we could not bare to part ourselves from it. From there we could buy fresh coconuts to drink from and empanadas to munch from an old lady peddling her home made wares poolside, who even had homemade ice cream!

The blues sister was enjoying sucking the brains out of a coconut.

  That night we had dinner at an appalling pizza restaurant who took over an hour to cook a pizza, even then the base was raw dough in the middle, took my beer away still half full, then sulked when I asked for it back, overcharged us on the bill and when we pointed it out did not even apologise. That's one for Tripadvisor to put online later me thinks.
   Next day a concerted effort to get up early, which actually was not a problem as our neighbour likes to crank his stereo up to 11 and blast out American 80's cheesy rock from about 6am, saw us at Charco Verde lagoon to find Howler monkeys in a protected bio reserve. After half an hour of stalking through the trees we were lucky enough to find 3 and one even had a baby. Also we saw a tarantula and loads of very exotic birds which I have no idea what they were called but looked nice. They also had a very impressive butterfly enclosure with some attractive and exotic species accompanied with a background of classical music in a tropical garden. In the centre was a pond with terrapins whose little heads followed you as you walked around them. It was a good deal for the $5 we paid each to get in.

This monkey was also howling with laughter at my saucy jokes.

Now it was midday and hot,hot,hot so burned back to base to regroup and chill. Later that day we went to a beach which had a large spit of sand which protruded into the lake  producing our most stunning sunset photos yet. The locals considered the location holy and called it the point of Christ. Even better Jesus had a promotion on the cold beers being served and bottles of 45p of cold Victoria Frost's were gladly consumed with his blessing.

If Carlsberg made sunsets this would be it. 

   Next day we got lazy, maybe we had a touch of Malaria from all the bites we were accumulating or it could have been the caffeine withdrawal as it was too hot to drink any hot drinks after 6am. Eventually at midday we did strike out and tried the north of the island ring road to explore. Our farm stay owner had told us the road was in a terrible condition but we took it with a pinch of salt. That pinch turned into a mountain as the road was terrible as we crawled along on the bike trying not to wreck it, with Kathy having to jump off in places to allow the bike to scramble across the terrain. We did make it after a couple of hours of bum numbing torture to arrive at a town called Altagracia which had a town square and some roadworks but that was it. We scored a fresh orange juice off a peddling mobile stall on the square, played on the kids playground swings, filled up with gas then headed back to the same beach that we were at yesterday to take full advantage of those cheap cold sunset beers on offer again.

Here we were standing in the middle of the airport runway as the road goes straight across it being backed by a jolly smoking volcano. 

   Back at base later we had a run in with the girl of another couple who decided that our terrace furniture was quite desirable and helped themselves to it even though we paid extra to have a room with a terrace and they had a small sweaty cell out the back. We were polite to them both, the bloke was OK but the girl was a little bitch and dismissive so I just went over and reprocessed the furniture and they didn't have the front to stop me. We then locked up the furniture before we went out to dinner so they could not persist with their petty game. Funny enough, we chose the same restaurant as them, totally randomly, so as you would expect pulled up a table next to them and gave them the odd scowling glance which worked well as they couldn't eat quick enough and bail the joint.
  We decided that 4 nights was enough battling with the mossies, a battle we were losing badly so next morning we elected our next destination that was going to be Granada. 

San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua.( Costa Rica border to San Juan del Sur by bus )

We departed the Costa Rican bus and walked to the border checkpoint which looked a touch chaotic with no signage or directions. We headed for what looked like an official building and approached the counter. "habla Ingles?" we enquired and were met with a firm "no!". It's our fault as we have been very slack with our Spanish learning, but have been trying with an App that we downloaded which is actually very good but we just don't put the hours into it as we need to. So after a short and frank exchange in terrible Spanish on our account we were told we could not leave the country unless we paid the tax which was in another building. After walking about aimlessly outside we were befriended by a taxi driver who thought he might have a fare out of us (and we did not discourage him at this stage) so helped us with finding the tax office and paying our dues which was $7 each. Then we had to go back to the immigration office and this time they granted us an exit stamp. We then walked out into no mans land between the two borders.

Candy skull scared all the punters off so the bar closed down.

  There were no signs to say where to go so we followed the only road for about 1km until we were ushered over by some guard type people who checked our passports and then told us to carry on. We then found another office, not sure what it was as again no signs but saw a group of people outside so ambled in. Inside we walked through and just as we were getting our luggage x-rayed we were pulled back and told to go to immigration again. Mr taxi driver strikes again! At a very relaxed immigration desk they checked over our docs and then declared we needed to pay an entry tax. Another $12 each, not a fortune but annoying as it was eating into our back up dollar supply. We then got our entry stamps and proceeded to get our luggage cleared and headed outside. It was a bit chaotic outside and was reminiscent of our time in India with all and sundry vying for our attention and to part us from our Dollar stash. In frustration we walked off in what looked like the right direction but some very animated guy behind a barred wall started shouting at us we were going the wrong way. We ignored him as everybody was shouting at us for something or another but at the end found out we had gone the wrong way so had to retrace our steps. Another checkpoint was found and passed through and then we were befriended by a bus tout who we could not get rid off and he even followed us onto the bus and started grabbing our rucksacks. You have to keep your wits about you here as there are a lot of people who would be willing to distract you to steal your property. The bus was an ex-American school bus that was worse for wear and very uncomfortable.

You kids stop smoking and snogging on the back seats.

 Locally it is called a chicken bus and is the Nicaraguan staple for the public transport around towns. The shifty ticket guy ripped us off for the bus fare as we had no local cash so paid dollars but turned out to be 70p each instead of 25p each so no biggy there. We were then dropped off at the side of the road half an hour later and had to walk to another road and wait on the side of the road for another bus to pass. We met a yank girl who seemed to know the ropes as we had done no research at all on Nicaragua so took her lead. A bus was flagged down and our luggage tossed onto the roof with little care by some lacky and we were rammed into the back of another school bus nervous that we could not see our bags. The bus took off at speed, jerking back and forth, while we were trying to keep on our feet as there was standing room only. Also I kept my gaze on the back window in case our bags came flying off as they were not strapped down. We later found out that Lonely Planet says 'do not put your bags on the roof'! Too late for that.
   Tracking our progress on our GPS we shouted out to the lacky we wanted to get off and sure enough we squeezed off right outside our new accommodation. After we were offered the wrong rucksacks off the roof which was worrying, we rocked up and started shouting to find someone to let us in. We had hired a studio which was owned by a local family who lived directly behind it. Inside it was small but had everything we needed including a fitted kitchen. Best bit though it was under half the price of anywhere we had found in Costa Rica. We ventured out later to the market across the road and were pleased to see all foodstuffs were peanuts to buy and best of all beers super cheap. I think we are going to like it here. That night we cooked up some nice food in the kitchen which made a nice change to eat something that you actually wanted and would not give you a deep fried heart attack.

The only boat here that was scared of the water.

   Next day we walked into town which was ultra laid back, with a massive volcanic sandy beach and calm seas. It has all the usual tourist cafe scene hangouts and was most agreeable to stroll about. We found some dudes that worked for Movistar to sort our phone out as it was now working on roaming but all they were interested in was selling us another SIM. As we had paid for a months plan in Costa Rica and it still worked so we decided to see how it went. After strolling about and having lunch, walking the beach and hassling tourist info we decided there was not that much to do but enjoy the ambiance of this seaside resort. So we checked out the beach side bars and found one knocking out some classic rock on the jukebox so planted ourselves there for a local Tona beer and watching the sunset which was flawless. We walked back in the dark to our studio which we found out later that Lonely Planet says not to do as muggings on tourists are frequent after sunset. We found the Internet not working so put a complaint in as you would expect from us and watched some American film badly dubbed into Spanish and decided that was our Spanish lesson for the day while quaffing the local rum which is very tasty and unrealistically cheap.

A view from a bar.

   The studio we are staying in did have an issue though. If you left the windows open, the mosquitoes would invite themselves in for a munch fest. But if you kept them closed the temperature inside was unbearable. In the morning the heat was so intense we opened the window for a short while but I sustained 8 bites in 10 minutes, Daz somehow managed to avoid their attention.. Windows closed again we had to sort a solution so went downtown to the market to see what they had. There we found some old onion bags which we took back and gaffer taped them over the open windows to make homemade mosquito nets all for the grand sum of 50p. Job done! They worked a treat.

Check out the onion bag mosquito net.

 Then the Internet people came around to fix it and left the door wide open to invite further blood suckers in which resulted in me acquiring bites 9 and 10. Oh, happy days. We tried to walk up to a viewpoint later in the day that has a copy of the Christo Redeemer statue which is in Rio on top of a hill that overlooks the bay but when we got to the base of the climb up decided it was too hot and plumped for a banana smoothie and lunch. Later in the afternoon we tried again to climb up and see Jesus up on the hill but again at the base we decided it was too hot and somehow ended up in the the same sunset bar on the beach. This time though we took control of the jukebox and kicked off with some Megadeth which the locals did not approve of so they turned up the T.V. louder. The next song was a Nirvana track which was equally not appreciated so no more money was fed into that jukebox for such a uneducated local clientele. Beer downed, we this time took the Lonely Planet advice and trudged back before all the light had faded away for the night to check on our onion bags.

Was this a new gay club in town?

Deciding it was much too hot to walk about we decided to hire a bike to get about on. We looked about for a deal but this was not Asia and the prices quoted unrealistic for our budget. Luckily after a good haggle with a right dodgy outfit on the edge of town away from the tourist zone we managed to get one for $20 rather than the $40 everyone else was asking for a days hire. Very high hire prices for very poor cheap bikes. We hired an off road bike as the roads are appalling around here so needed the extra suspension travel for comfort. The owner wanted to keep Daz's passport but I did not trust him so gave him Daz's drivers licence as a deposit and roared off up to the Jesus statue that presided over the bay which we failed to climb twice the previous day. Again it was a killer hot day but had a nice breeze once we arrived at the top and paid our $2 each. We were rewarded with some excellent views across the bay and out to sea.

This is what Jesus has to look at every day. It's tough being a messiah.

 Then it was back to town for a spot of lunch then we drove 'The Chocolate road' to a secluded beach called Maderas which was the local dude and surfer hangout. The road there was a dirt track, extremely stony and rough, dusty with me on the back getting tossed around like a bag of spuds. That 5 miles seemed like 10 by the time we arrived but the beach was excellent, with a big wide sandy area, lots of dudes surfing the barrels and a backdrop of wooden floored, grass roofed, chilled shacks serving the obligatory cold beers. The sea was a lot colder than Asia and too cold for us to swim in so we settled for a paddle and a beach stroll until we were overcome by the heat thus retiring to one of those grass roofed beach front sanctuaries.

You can't have a beach bar without driftwood furniture.

 As the shadows lengthened we headed back to town and had a further burn about to check out the 'local' parts of town until we handed the bike back as we did not want to be cruising about in the dark due to safety concerns. We decided that night that it was time to move on in the morning as San Juan Del Sur was done so choose our next destination which would be the twin volcano island of Ometepe.

   

La Fortuna, Costa Rica.(La Fortuna to San Juan del Sur by bus)

Arenal volcano provided a dramatic backdrop to La Fortuna.

We jumped on the 11.30am bus from terminal 7/10  in San Jose and using our well rehearsed dual attack system where Kathy gets to the front of the queue of punters and I take care of the baggage with the driver. It usually works a treat and this time we bagged the front seat behind the driver with the extra legroom so happy daze. The journey to La Fortuna was a slow affair with plenty of stop offs to pick up and release passengers, toilet stops, other town terminal lay overs even though this was an express bus. We finally arrived 4.5 hours later, hot and sweaty due to the lack of A/C and the increased heat from coming out of the highlands. The small bus station was a short walk to our hotel Xilopalo where we checked in to a nice room on the edge of the jungle. We were really chuffed with our room as it had a great view of the resident volcano called Arenal and the jungle, equipped with coffee maker and a supply of fresh Costa Rican coffee and a fridge to keep those all important beers cold.

This little critter had a lot of attitude when we found him in the undergrowth.

   Next morning though, our smugness collapsed with a 5am wake up call from the builders who were working on the unit above our room. Crash,bang,wallop and that was the end of our shut eye. During breakfast we had the privilege of metal cutting and hammering on our ceiling. Of course we were not happy and went to complain. The staff were brilliant and eventually sorted us out with another room. When we moved to the other room we were not happy as the room was dark and dingy so went back to complain again. This time we came up trumps as we were given a family suite which was huge with a fitted kitchen and living area. Sweet! We must be the guests from hell to them but if you don't say anything then you will never know what you could get in return.

This guy kept his eye on us as we walked around the lagoon.

  After that little debacle we were given a guided tour of the hotel grounds which included some lagoons where we were lucky enough to see some Cayman crocks checking us out for a spot of lunch. To be honest there was little threat from them as they are too small to kill you but you would not want a nip off of one. One of them even stalked us across the lagoon with its beady eyes just breaking the water surface. We also saw a multitude of exotic birds including some Toucans. What we really wanted to see were Sloths though but were unlucky which is not surprising as they live high in the canopy so are hard to spot. We did see a Capybara  though which are usually very shy.( a cross between a pig and a rat is the best way to describe it).

Caught this fluffy bugger trying to get some kip

 Back at the hotel we took full advantage of our new apartment and lounged out. Later we went for pizza downtown which was a lovely looking village, mostly catering to the tourist crowd who used to come to watch the lava pouring down the erupting volcano sides but this stopped in 2010 when the volcano started behaving itself so now you can walk around the base of the volcano and check out the virgin jungle and the lava fields. Which is exactly what we done next day. Doing it the budget way instead of paying the exorbitant fees that were being quoted by the local tour agencies we caught the early 8am bus for £1.50 each which dropped us off at the volcano spur road from where we hiked to the volcano base and enjoyed a very pleasant 4.7km stroll among the lava fields and dense jungle trying to spot Sloths but again had no luck. We did start chatting to another couple on the trail though who had driven there and spotted a massive sloth crossing the road in front of them and showed us a  cracking photo of it. We caught the last bus back to town which was 2pm and retired back to the hotel after walking a total of 8.7km up the steep side of a volcano, we were cream crackered. We did go out later to try to spot sloths around the grounds of the hotel again but had no luck but did start chatting to a local who reckoned he could show us where they were hanging out but wanted $20 for his time so we declined after blowing our budget on entry fees to the volcano.

We were told this was a Toucan but we were not so sure when it was tempted down by some fruit.

  Back at the hotel we had some loud yanks move in next to us blasting out some crap music so I did not approve to their inconsiderate nature. Supported by my wing woman, Kath the septic tank killer , we smashed on their door and asked them politely with our best east end gangster faces to turn it down or else......it worked and the music never came back on again. They obviously had watched a British gangster movie at some stage and thought better of it. We loved La Fortuna, it was laid back and easy, had all you needed as a tourist and had some spectacular scenery to boot and we were sad to leave on the early bus next morning but had to as the cost of hanging out in Costa Rica was killing our budget. We could not believe it was even more expensive than America. The hotels, the food, the tours, the entry fees we unbelievable. The only thing that was reasonable was the bus fare. Even though we loved Costa Rica so far we decided it was out of our price range so rejigged our plans and decided to head for the border and try our luck in Nicaragua where we had heard was a lot cheaper with similar sights so worth a punt. 

Jungle is massive.....but Kathy is only small.

The only problem it was not an easy journey to get to the land border crossing from La Fortuna. We again caught an early morning bus along a roller coaster of a journey around Arenal lake. The views were spectacular but the journey uncomfortable due to the never ending high speed cornering of the bus driver. Also we had the extra entertainment of the bus breaking down on route in the middle of the road while the driver banged and crashed about in the back compartment until it started running again. We were busting for the toilet but when we arrived at the terminal our next bus to Canas was already waiting for us so had to unload the bags and jump straight onto the next bus which pulled out straight away. By now we were both busting for a pee. We eventually reached Canas after less than an hour where the temperature was noticeably higher due to the lower elevation and a lot drier. Kathy darted out of the bus to the restroom while I unloaded the bags and waited for her to return. When she did I went but was low on change to pay the mean faced attendant the required 300 colones (about 40p) as we were running down our money for the border. I slapped all my money on the counter which came to 190 colones. Enough you would think? Not for this dragon lady. She started shrieking at me but I proceeded unperturbed and emptied my bladder while she stood in the doorway remonstrating at me in incomprehensible Spanish. Then it went quiet. I washed my hands and went to leave and found she had locked me in the toilet and held me ransom until I paid the remaining balance on my piss tax. So there I was trying to negotiate my release from the bars of the toilet door while the whole bus station looked on in astonishment.  I just grabbed the bars and let out a comical help! which the attendant found amusing so released me to pay my fine. Luckily there was another bloke locked in with me who paid for me and all was resolved with the dragon woman.
The next bus arrived shortly after and we boarded that for our next stage to Liberia where we decided to take an overnight stop as we felt it too ambitious to head to the border today in case of any difficulties. We booked into a new hostel that had only been open 9 days called the Greenhouse. After chilling out as the heat was oppressive we hit town to explore but found nothing exciting to report except a church and a statue of a man on a mule. We ended up in Maccy D's as that was the only place we could barely afford and had some nice grilled chicken salads. An early breakfast ensued next morning and we caught an early bus to the border point called Penas Blancas which was 1.5 hours away and for the grand sum of £1.50 each.
And that was Costa Rica done. It was a very civilised and beautiful country, teeming with wildlife and a joy to hang out in except for the cost and if we won the lottery we would both definitely return to explore some more. Next stop Nicaragua.

Costa Rica, San Jose (San Jose to La Fortuna by bus)

Leaving Los Angeles at silly o'clock in the morning we arrived at San Jose in Costa Rica at 8am. We flew with Delta airlines which is supposed to be America's best airline, as voted by Americans but it was one of the worst flights we have been on so far. First of all they allocated Kathy and myself seats in separate blocks. We managed to get these changed so we could sit either side of the centre aisle but then they had the cheek to say these were preferred seats and would incur a further $14 each. We were already getting over having to pay $50 extra in baggage fees. They had said on the website when we booked the first bag of baggage was free but what they actually meant was hand luggage was free which it is with all airlines so how is this a perk? Anyway, we had no intention to pay the surplus charges just so we could sit together, so blagged the customer service agent by reminding him it was Kathy's birthday and he kindly waived the charges.   SWEET!

Who's been smuggling doughnuts in their trousers then? Or maybe something much bigger.......

 The seats on the plane were comfy enough and the legroom acceptable but as it was flying so early in the morning most people want to get some sleep. So we started to nod off when all the lights came on at 2am and they started handing out nuts and cheese with crackers. Who the hell wants cheese and crackers at 2am?  Then they wanted to charge us for booze. Who charges for booze on a long haul flight? Eventually we got off to sleep but at 5am they woke us up again to serve breakfast which was a coffee and a bag of nuts. Oh whoopee! By the time we strolled through immigration with their feeble questions about our intentions to defraud the whole of Costa Rica with a Dell notebook and a bag of nuts from Delta airlines, we were knackered. We stood around in baggage reclaim for about an hour trying to collect ourselves before we could face the outside world. "Lets get some money" Kathy chipped in. Good idea I thought, but guess what , the ATM was offline.  No worries, lets get some maps etc from tourists info. No-one there! What about a sim for the phone? Can't see anyone selling them!
  We walked in circles a couple of times more and by this time the ATM was back online, the tourist info woman had showed up and we remembered the SIM at the airport was a rip-off as quoted by our bible The Lonely Planet. We then had to get into town for our hotel but the only way we knew was shuttle bus or rip off taxi. The shuttle bus had no drivers so that was a no. We were then accosted by 35 taxi drivers who hustled us on the street but being tired and low on fight we plumped for a guy who looked trustworthy and agreed to a slight discount for a fixed price for us rather than using the meter in what would be rush hour traffic. Turns out it was not far into town, in fact only 3 miles and we paid $25. The hostel reassured us it was usually $30 for most people but it was still a bitter pill.
   As we arrived at Hostel Columbus so early our room was not ready. Luckily breakfast was still being served so the owner said we could have some brekkie gratis. Result! Luckily our room was ready by 11.30am so we installed ourselves into it. Then it was the travellers dilemma. Do we go to sleep and catch up  with the problem of being out of sync with the local time or do we try to stay awake and integrate into the normal day/night sleep pattern. We opted to stay awake as it was Kathy's birthday and headed out into town to get supplies and then went for a meal at some roast chicken place which turned out really nice when we ordered a sharer platter. We scored some more beers and went back to our room but the party fizzed out when I fell asleep at 7pm and Kathy partied alone until 8pm until she succumbed to tiredness and we both slept through to 8am next day.

The fat lady with strangely positioned breasts attempts to sing.

   After a nice buffet breakfast in the restaurant downstairs we ordered an UBER taxi and went to explore downtown. First we got a sim for the phone from a jazzy company called Movistar which were very helpful. The sim was 60p and we topped up with a months worth of data and calls for £5. We then walked to the bus terminal and bought bus tickets to out next destination. That done we strolled into town to look at all the big ticket attractions......a church......a theatre......a telephone exchange.....a town square.....and a fat lady statue. WOW! Kathy found it all too exciting so went shopping for new trainers while I done the dutiful snaps of said above attractions but to be honest I wish I never bothered as they were so average and boring. We also visited the central market which was also boring and dull so stopped for coffee which was appalling for such a coffee producing nation and an empanada. (cheesy pasty type thingy). We then decided to walk back to the hotel which was a big mistake as there were no toilets and by the time we got back to the room we were fighting each other to be first on the throne. Again it was another early night to align our sleep patterns.

Kathy's birthday party rocks out with a teddy orgy. 

   Next day we had a' I really can't be bothered day'. and desperately tried a crash course in Spanish as no one except the hotel we were staying in speaks English. We even tried to watch a Tom Hanks film that was dubbed into Spanish. Didn't understand a word! Eventually by the afternoon we ventured out into the city park which was conveniently across the road from the hotel. We walked the whole lot watching adhoc football ,basketball, baseball, cyclocross, roller skating, boating, bootcamp workouts as it was the weekend so all the Ticos(that's what the locals are called) were out and about. After meandering about for a few hours it looked like rain was imminent so again took refuge back at the hotel where beer and wine was retrieved from the fridge and consumed with gusto until it was shut eye time. A real lazy do nothing day but totally satisfying mentally.

At least Padre won't have a problem for a taxi home. 

   Next morning was another glorious sunny day and we were awoken by the sound of some street nutter hollowing outside our room at 6am telling drivers what he thought of them for parking there. He went on for hours and we even had him barking outside the breakfast room. Amusing for 10 minutes but painful after that for the next 3 hours. Luckily we were off today, so packed up and called an Uber taxi to take us to the bus terminal so we could catch our bus to our next destination La Fortuna. Bye, bye street nutter. El es loco!

Kingman to Las Vegas

We wandered down to breakfast at the Comfort Inn to be met with a scene out of 'My Name Is Earl' where all the unemployed, homeless and hopeless had gathered to fill up on junk food to expand their already obese frames. We of course took down our doggy bag and ushered all we could carry into it for grazing later on in the day to offset the high food prices when eating out in the U.S.A.

Even the trucks were humping each other.

   After packing up we hit the road, pumped up our constantly deflating tyre and hit the Route 66 museum. Inside we were treated to the history of Route 66 which condenses down to they had a great road which transversed America from the Great Lakes to Los Angeles. It was used by all those looking for a better life in the west. It created incredible stories over the years of Indian encounters from the early years to young bucks in big bruiser cars cruising it looking for adventure in the big bad wild west in the later years. So with so many fond memories of the native clientele of such a iconic road what did the American government do? Paved over it and turned most of it into a generic boring interstate highway. And that was the end of route 66. And now they try to sell it as this amazing road trip for tourists but really the glory days are over and it is just another icon that has been put in room 101. The museum was good though with some interesting exhibits and a film being shown.

Caught red handed coming out of shop of ill repute.

   After we crossed the road to have some coffee (pronounced qwaffee) and some good old home made warm apple pie in an old school American diner. It was decorated with pastel colours as in the 60's and inside it had all the redeeming features of that era. Chrome bar stools....check, jukebox.....check, big fat juicy stacked burgers.....check, tacky route 66 memorabilia.....check, free coffee refills.....check!

Elvis was looking younger than we remembered him.

Then it was off to look at some American muscle cars at a car dealership, sizing up the prices to imagine if we could afford to buy one and hit route 66 in real style. In the real world the answer was no. Kingman was a really nice photogenic town and was a cool place to spend a day in but time was ticking and we had to be in Las Vegas by the evening so we left route 66 for the last time and headed back. On the way we stopped off at the Hoover Dam, a marvel of engineering of the 1930's and the O'callaghan/Tillman Bridge which is an engineering feat of 2009. Both were impressive structures and well worth the stop off. The Hoover Dam still supplies most of the electricity for a vast area of the western U.S.A. including all of Las Vegas. One thing we did notice though was how low the water level was in Lake Mead. It appears the continuing lack of rainfall is depleting the lake to record low levels.

If I be dammed, we could not find a single hoover anywhere.

    We then pushed on to the last 30 miles into Vegas and arrived at our apartment which we had booked at the last minute as our AirBnB booking had cancelled on us. Luckily the apartment was large and lush so we settled in and started to try to reduce our accumulation of belongings since arriving here as we had to give the car back the next day and catch a flight to our next destination Costa Rica.
   We finally condensed our belongings next morning down to something we could actually carry on our backs without crippling ourselves. We strung it out at the condo as long as we could until midday and then headed back to the airport to return the car. First we had to pump the tyre up as we did not want to get charged for a repair and fill the gas up as we agreed to return it full. We did return the car later than the agreed time at 12.45 rather than the 12.00 we agreed on the contract. On return the lackey who checked it over indicated no problems so we happily caught the free bus shuttle back to Las Vegas airport from the car hire village. (yes they actually have a huge village with all the car hire companies under one roof away from the terminal) We then had a long wait as our flight was at 6.20pm to Los Angeles where we would stop over and then next day catch a plane to Costa Rica. While sitting waiting for our plane at Las Vegas, Kathy was taking full advantage of the free wifi when she noticed on my email account that we had a bill from the car hire company billing us for an extra $91.56. Thinking it was for the punctured tyre we were not surprised they had found it but on closer inspection found we had been billed for a whole days rental for returning the car 45 minutes late. We discussed it and came up with a plan to get the money back. Luckily in my former job I spent long hours reading contractual small print and had become quite a master of terminology so applied it to my phone call to the hire company. Anyway I locked horns with one of their customer representatives for over 30 minutes on the phone quoting their contract terms and conditions and eventually they succumbed to my badgering and refunded all our money. It's funny as we were just discussing what a waste of money it was that we had spent to buy a 21 day SIM card from T-Mobile as it was useless most of the time with either no coverage or Internet speed of a snail. In fact we had travelled for the last 9 months in Asia where most are 3rd world countries but in all of them the Internet was faster and more reliable on the phone than all our time in the U.S.A. They say it is the greatest nation on earth but their phone service is not. Anyway that 30 minute call redeemed our SIM card investment after all.

Well that's America played out.

   

Route 66 (part 4) Flagstaff to Kingman.

Flagstaff is a nice town situated at the 6000ft above sea level so remains cool through out the year. We decided to stay 2 nights as there is quite a bit to look at but after 10 days of driving, fatigue started to set in. A lazy morning ensued and Kathy decided she was going to chill out for the day and catch up with stuff but with it being such a beautiful crisp sunny day outside, I soon got cabin fever and decided to go exploring. A short drive later bought me to Walnut Canyon. A stunning wooded valley, sprinkled lightly with snow and a twisted river valley. I handed over my 10 bucks to get in and descended via the stairs into the valley where a path took me to the main attraction which was the cliff side dwellings of the ancient Indian tribes called the Hopi. Here they had dug into the cliff faces to make houses. Along the rim top of the canyon they grew plants and from the valley they got their water. The cliff side location afforded them protection from the harsh winters, the hot summers and any enemies as they could not see them. They only left when a local volcano erupted about 12AD.
It was a beautiful location and a great walk.

Walnut Canyon overlook.

 I then got lost on my return journey and ended up in downtown Flagstaff. The town was neat and clean with some historic buildings but was not worth anymore of my time especially due to the steep parking charges.

The remains of a cliff side dwelling. 

   Back at the hotel, all the guests had left except for one other person so we had a quiet night in and done some planning for the next leg of our world tour.

Getting kicks on route 66. 

  Another stunning sunny day greeted us next day and the temperature was more agreeable than of late. We again had to pump our rear tyre up, juice up the clunge mobile and refresh our coffee cups to hit the route 66 adventure again. We cranked the radio up and watched the hills and desert roll by. We stopped in Williams for lunch then pushed onto Segliman which is a natty theme inspired town that's only fame is being on the original route 66 before it was desecrated by the highways authority and reduced to random patches across the states. Here was a multitude of tongue in cheek....even cranky eateries and souvenir shops with totally eclectic shop fronts to attract you into their dens of iniquity.

Just plain weird. Tina Turner is draughted in as security. 

 Equally  amusing was the coach loads of Asian tourists who thought it would be cool to sit in the middle of the road for photos oblivious to the passing traffic. We watched for a while hoping to see some carnage but traffic was too cautious and infrequent to grant us any roadkill.

This is where stupid Asians end up.

   We drove on after this but the road was bleak and had no stop offs, just good views of the mountains and the famous Burma shave signs to keep us amused with their witty anecdotes along the side of the road. Eventually we arrived at Kingman, another route 66 heritage enriched town and booked into our overnight stay at the Quality Inn motel. We had an upper room that overlooked the desert and it had a pool but it was just not warm enough to brave a dip. When we got to the room we had the privilege of a room that time had forgot regarding maintenance and found the phone and lamp did not work and the fridge door did not open. But not to worry as Catweasel was on Reception, straight from redneck central training college, who had trouble deciphering my native language of English so deflected our request to Boy Wonder. Boy Wonder sorted the phone quickly but the problem of a blown bulb in the lamp did cerebrally challenge him and it took a detailed explanation , repeated 3 times to explain it was not the lamp at fault but the bulb needed changing. Once the penny had dropped , with a thud, Boy Wonder fixed the lamp but I advised him he needed to watch extra episodes of Eastenders and a viewing of the film 'Snatch' was recommended so he could brush up on his English and watch a really bad Irish accent from an American actor. Job done.

Hmmm.......nice beaver!