Koh Yao Noi

After Phuket we wanted to go Island hopping around the Andaman sea and check out some of the amazing beaches Thailand is renown for and the impressive Karst formations that jut out of the sea making memorable vistas. Obvious choices would be the Phi Phi Islands as featured in DiCaprio's movie The Beach a few years ago featuring Maya bay as 'The beach'. But after asking around and listening in at other peoples conversations it seemed that every man and his dog was going there and 'The beach' was their target area with up to a 1000 people on the beach at one time and a hundred boats  moored in the bay as well every day. This did not really fit into our idealistic visions of remote sandy hedonistic hide-always that we were seeking and after checking out the reviews online branding the islands as one big non-stop party zone with thumping techno music every night keeping those who want to sleep awake we decided it was not going to be our scene. I mean, don't get us wrong as we love to party and get down with the kids now and again but when we are tired or had enough drinking we want to go home to bed and sleep, not be kept up until 2am every night with that pounding bass ringing in your ears. That is called getting old and I think we are getting very good at it now!

The bungalow was a disguised Asian sweat shop.

 After checking out some maps we decided on starting with a little known or visited island called Koh Yao Noi which is only a short 40 minute speedboat ride from Bang Rong Pier in the north of Phuket. We got the local bus to the pier from Phuket town along with all the locals who bundled their sacks of rice on and other market supplies they had acquired that morning and trundled very slowly to our destination. Half way there we had an accident when the bus we were travelling on which is like a long wheel drive pick-up collided with another car. The bus driver was a bit peeved off and jumped out to remonstrate with the car driver who got out the car and was clearly a 6ft muscular white man dressed as a woman in a very nice sheer all black evening cocktail dress and some very suspect make-up and heels. It was not what he (or I) was expecting and this seemed to quell his anger with his confusion into boarding back onto the bus, selecting the gear and getting going again. No money changed hands and no insurance details so I am not sure how that scenario pans out later.

Where is everybody.

   We arrived after an hour and the boat was about to leave so we paid our speedboat tickets and boarded. The journey was ace, as we sped past craggy sun kissed uninhabited islands and dramatic karst formations under the blazing sun and pure blue skies.  Once on the island we were herded up and sectioned into destinations by the taxi's and whisked off to our respective bungalows for a rip-off mafia style fee that we refused to pay for and gave the taxi driver less than he asked for but he did not seem too bothered as he had already ripped off all the other passengers previously and we were last to depart. Even then he hung about and even sorted us out a motorbike to hire for a knock down rate. The only catch though was it was a Disney themed scooter with girly decals all over it and we were given 2 helmets of which one was Nemo and one was some princess thingy in pink. I opted for Nemo as I don't do pink very well and Kathy took the pink one so I branded her Lady Penelope from Thunderbirds which she did not find amusing. Every time we rocked up at a shop or restaurant every body took a double take at our childish ride and our natty headgear. (and I am sure they were giggling at us in German at one place, HMMMM, GGRRRRR!)

Kathy goes off in search of the toilet block.

 The Island is a fair size of about 15km by 10km and is very sparsely populated with a very low key tourist infrastructure. This suited us fine as the 1st beach we visited was beautiful and there was no one else there except a cat who looked very relieved to see us especially when I fished a dead squid out of the sea and fed it to him. Best mates forever. We spent a few hours playing with the cat, beach combing, swimming and snoozing on the sand until another couple showed up,  who having a mile of sand to choose where to set up base, decided it would be a great idea to plonk themselves right next to us!  Gone was our castaway fantasy so we packed up and hit the road again where after a short drive through the jungle found another beach with a disused beach bar and some beach swings so we chilled out here for a while exploring the spooky remains of the derelict beach bar and wondering what had happened as it was a long way from civilisation. It even has a Thai boxing ring on the beach set up. Back to the bungalow later which on paper looked fabulous when booked but in reality was surrounded on 3 sides by building sites and behind it was a Mosque which helpfully blasted out their call to prayers at an ear splitting volume 4am every morning. All day was the constant noise of cement lorries, grinding, sawing and at night the neighbour honking up whatever was blocking the back of his throat and propelling it very loudly off his balcony. You could not use the bungalow in the day as it was too hot to stand and even on the veranda there was no breeze as it was set in the jungle so the trees protected it. Shame, as it would have been great otherwise. Well maybe not, as on day 2 the water from the tap started spouting mud out of it, and when we complained to the owner we found out just how limited their English was and basically she told us tough you have to wait until it clears on its own (or something along those lines).

Look a massive empty beach so why don't you sit next to us Mr loud Yank.

  Beer was also hard to acquire as it is a very Muslim Island (hence the Mosque) so we had to travel into town which was about 8km away to pick up a couple of Chang's to pass the very dull evenings as their was nothing going on what so ever but this did not bother us too much and gave me a chance to get stuck into a book and for us to start Spanish lessons on an App which we had downloaded earlier that would help us later on in the Philippines and Central America. Next day was much the same , swinging on the hammock, chilling on a different beach, again we had it all to ourselves until another couple showed up and with 1.5 miles of perfect sand to choose from.......yep you guessed it ......planted themselves next to us. What is wrong with  these people. Can you not bare to be alone and soak up the solitude of it all. Or it could be that Kathy and myself have such magnetic personalities that they were just drawn to us by some sort of mystic force. We will never know as we packed up and headed back to base via a small waterfall which was bland.

The oldest swingers in town.

 Overall Koh Yao Noi was very peaceful and scenic and a great little get away from it all with limited facilities but enough to keep you rolling along. Laid back would be an understatement. It was quite expensive though as everything has to be bought in by boat from the mainland including the beer. Most of the island is uninhabited as well and has a very limited access by road and a lot of areas can not be reached at all. Next we catch another speedboat back to the mainland to a place called Ao Nang to allow us access to Railay which is supposed to have the most impressive karst scenery in all of Thailand.