India, New Delhi

Servants plotting in the drawing room of the Taj Mahal.

Arriving at New Delhi train station was like being thrown into a pit of seething snakes where you fight for room to keep your head up while the snakes engulf the space around you and then try to bite you at the same time. After travelling from Borneo, 16 hours later we arrived at the station with all our luggage at midnight to a wall of rickshaw drivers who could smell the money walking out of the subway via these two tired whiteys with rucksacks.They descended on us like a pack of hungry wolves circling for the kill. After we 'haggled' a fare that was not going to bankrupt us in the process (we should have done better but we were so tired as the time difference from Borneo made it the equivalent of 2.30am) we took off in the back for a hair-raising ride through Old Delhi to our hotel in the main tourist area of Paharganj. The hotel was really nice with the room kitted out in a kitsch Taj Mahal interior but backed onto the main bazaar which was manically busy with cows sleeping outside our room, beggars, barrow boys selling fruit and anything you wished for. The noise was awesome from the constant blare of the horns.

The 'Taj Mahal' nerve centre.

 On our second night there was a festival outside which had floats blaring out loud Hindi music to the early hours. It was a constant bombardment of the senses. We used to go out from the hotel in 2 hour segments as after 2 hours our nerves became frayed so we would retreat back to the room to destress before our next foray into the mayhem. (and this is after we have done India before, it does not get any easier).

The view from our bedroom window was 'special'.

 Luckily we had acquired a litre bottle of 'Stolichnaya vodka' from duty free at KL airport so that provided ample comfort in our hours of need. Did I mention the pollution? It was so thick with fumes it made mine and Kathy's eyes water and noses run and the back of our throats sore after less than an hour. We purchased face masks to combat this and looked a picture walking through the Old Delhi streets looking like a pair of medics on call.

Doctor on call in Delhi (The Red Fort)

After sorting out a SIM for the phone (which was like trying to enrol to join MI6) and changing all our Malaysian Ringgit into Rupees (which they gave us a rate which was the same as we withdrew it for) we decided we should at least make the effort to see a tourist site. We downloaded an App for the local taxis but it turned out to be useless (this is going to be a common theme I think) as no-one wanted to take us to the Red Fort. Then we went out into the cesspit that they call the bazaar to get a rickshaw to take us but it turned out easier to slit my wrist than deal with these greedy lazy bar stewards. Last option.....take the Metro!

You can never find a rickshaw in Delhi then 145 come along all at once!

So we queued for a ticket.....less than 20p each....result!. Then we queued to be body searched and our bags x-rayed.......separate men and women queues! Then we queued down on the platform with the other 234000 people to get on the next train......here it comes......doors open......bundle! Elbows flailing like helicopter blades to gain entry to the coach....we're in...hooray. London rush hour I will never complain about you again. Then we had to change lines.....same process again...like a couple of prize fighters we were battling the onslaught of the enemy in never ending numbers. Eventually we arrived at our station.....Kathy's ticket would not let her out......machine broken.....frustration as people barging her around.... she holds her own though and burst through the barriers to meet me with an expression on her face of exasperation. And we were not even out the station yet. On we trudged flowing with the sea of bodies up onto the surface where we thought we could get some space and our breath back. Oh no no no! Down dark alleys, through covered bazaars, dodging the open drains and street food vendors....a swirling mass of bodies carrying us along like a procession of carcasses going into the grinder at a meat packing factory. The main road.......we burst out of the column of bodies and onto the main road to be accompanied by rickshaws, thick lung clogging fumes, eye burning smoke from the food vendors cooking and enough noise to drown out Metallica in full concert. And we were not even there yet!
   After 20 minutes of this constant barrage we did arrive at the fort.......just one more hurdle as we had to cross an 8 lane intersection gridlocked with hot hostile traffic all trying to mow us down as we gingerly weaved our way across to the safety of the police barricade. We made it! Phew!

It was red and fortified so we named it the red fort.

Inside we bought our ticket...usual discrimination against tourists. Indians= 30p , foreigners=£6.30 each. Kathy wanted to go to the toilet inside and they wanted to charge us to use it! Unbelievable!
Anyway she didn't pay and was rewarded by being chased by locals all shouting at us as we both fled into the fort. The fort itself looked better on the outside than the inside but we spent a couple of hours walking about checking out the palaces/gardens and watching chipmunks play around us as we rested and listened to parrots squawking in the evening air as the dusk descended.It was dark when we eventually exited and fought our way back along the route we had come which unbelievably was even busier now (if that was possible) as it was rush hour. When we departed at our stop near the hotel we went to look for somewhere to eat and as lady luck would have it stumbled into the local booze depot which we had failed to locate at any other time, so as a reward to ourselves we topped up on Kingfisher and loaded the fridge up at the hotel. But as it goes the day was so exhausting we both fell asleep before the beers even got finished so it was a hollow victory. So there it is smelly Delhi, that is our lot, after 2 head spinning,rickshaw hooting,cow dozing, beggar dodging, gut rumbling,lung choking,fart smelling,rip-off rendering, dog barking,days we are out of here off to Agra on the train in the morning. Bye Bye Delhi......we won't miss you at all.