Route 66 (part 2) Sedona Red Rock National Park.

Today we took a southern excursion off of route 66 to explore the area around Sedona and the Oak Tree Creek. We picked out a loop of a route that would bring us up to finishing at Flagstaff which would be our next overnight stop. We left Williams along route 66 east to Ash Fork and then turned south to Chino than turned off onto highway 89A through a stunning drive up into the mountains along deserted winding pine tree shrouded road against a clear blue sky.

The descent from Cottonwood.

 Eventually came the descent which was just a spectacular overlooking classic historical towns such as Jerome and Cottonwood. We turned off before Sedona and paid our $7 each to get into the Red Rock park.  .We parked up and after a quick visit to the visitor centre we headed out onto the hiking trails that dot the foothills. We walked along the well marked routes for some truly amazing viewpoints of the park and the eroded sandstone mesas. The sun was beating down but the temperatures remained mild due to the altitude and cool wind whipping up the odd vortex. We enjoyed a 2 hour walk where we done a few miles and it was totally enthralling.  The views blew us away. You just don't get scenery like this in England.

Sounds like a lot of fun here with the local wildlife.

  We drove the scenic road loop after that and ended up in Sedona town which also afforded some more great views of the red marbled mesas. There we got stuck in an horrendous traffic jam being a bank holiday Presidents Day for an hour until we hit the Oak Tree Creek valley road heading north and then the views really started to open up.

Even the traffic jams have nice views.

 The gorge was mesmerising as it was all I could do not to crash the car into the river. Eventually after a prolonged climb out of the valley we topped out at Flagstaff and found our overnight stay at our hotel. This time we had booked a Travelodge, being nervous it would be like in England with its small pokey basic rooms but were surprised to find a lovely large furnished room with all the luxuries including fridge, microwave, coffee maker and wide screen  TV.  In fact hotels in America were totally superb even though we were staying in what they would rate a budget rate locations. Even in England, we have stayed at many hotels but none match up to these for comfort and amenities. And all of them include breakfast!

The rooms are all large and comfy.

   Another bonus is the cost of petrol or should I say gas like the Yanks. This averages $2.20-$2.50 per US gallon (£1.57-1.78) so makes driving very cheap. The car we have seems to be returning very reasonable MPG .Not sure on exact figures but we done a 250 mile stint the other day on $14 of gas. (£10).
   By the evening the weather took an unnatural turn from being 15c to -6 that night and we woke the next day with a biting cold wind and a sprinkling of snow which was gathering pace. Making an early start we topped up with gas and coffee and braved the road which was a white out. Luckily traffic was light as it was bank holiday so we picked our way along heading north to Tuba City. After half an hour the clouds cleared and we were blessed with sunshine and dry roads so made good time across the painted desert plains. Later we found out we had just left in time as on the news that evening they reported very heavy snow which had led to multiple car pile ups all over Flagstaff. Even the police got mashed up. At Tuba City we stopped for pee breaks at Maccy D's and a top up on our hot drinks. The temperature was now a respectable 13c although the wind was harsh. The radio kept our spirits up knocking out a varied play list of country, rock and old school faves. The music stations here are so much better than all the boy band rubbish we get at home.

Crossing the state line from Arizona to Utah with a sandstorm in background.

 Again we hit the desert with the roads that stretched for as far as the eye could see onto the horizon with not a bend in sight. You would think it would become boring like our motorways back in England but it was not as over every brow of of a hill was another eye popping vista that just absorbed all your attention. Kathy was religiously snapping away on the camera with a random "wow" every now and again to capture the moment. In no time all all we rolled into Kayenta which was our turn off to Monument Valley for the iconic table top mesa drive.

You don't need jumpers for goal posts here. 

 Here we topped up on gas because you just don't know when the next gas station was going to appear in this dry wilderness. In the valley there were lots of sandstorms as the wind was high as there was an unseasonal low pressure system passing through the desert causing all sorts of havoc. One minute it was stunning sunshine , next heavy grey clouds rolled over creating a very moody atmosphere. We stopped at a few choice viewpoints to sample the views but the wind was relentless causing sand vortexes to rush across the desert. Tumbleweed also completed the wild west ambiance as it rolled at regular intervals across the road in front of us, even at times 'attacking' the side of the car.

Another vicious tumbleweed attack.

   After leaving the Navajo region that was Monument Valley that features so heavily on various hollywood movie's such as Thelma and Louise and many a John Wayne classic, we entered a town called Bluff that also supplied us with sublime views of a town wedged in between sheer red rock cliffs in a dry and sandy valley. Bleak but neat and beautiful. Another stern climb out of Bluff back onto the tablelands of the mesas hovering around the 6000ft elevation, we ended up in our next stop over in a town called Blanding. Another bleak but agreeable town and another fantastic room at the Rodeway Inn.

Random rock formations along Monument Valley. 

Just one night here in Blanding as a stop over then on to Moab for adventures in the canyon rich lands.

Route 66 (part 1) Williams, Arizona

We picked our car up at Las Vegas Airport which was a Hyundai Tucson SUV and spent the next 30 minutes in the car park trying to work out what all the buttons and dials did as we are used to old bangers back in England. Being an automatic as they all are in U.S.A. and having never driven one before it took a bit of getting used too especially the brakes which were very sharp and I tried on various times to put Kathy through the windscreen with my over zealous heavy foot. She eventually had enough and slapped me around the head which helped me to remember to be a bit more gentle with the pedal. Also they drive on the wrong side of the road here so that proved a bit challenging particularly for the other native road users when I chose the wrong lane to frequent. We had an incident where I panicked at a traffic lights as I could not decide which way to go , causing the wheels to lock up and someone nearly going into the back of us, later passing us with a loud horn blast but I was too afraid to look him in the eye as they carry guns here so best be cautious.

Kathy getting her kicks in the back of the car.

 We eventually found our interstate highway and started cruising along at the permitted 65mph which was a crime as the roads are so wide and straight. After about 100 miles we hit the famous Route 66 in a place called Kingman, a small agreeable town banking heavily on its route 66 heritage. After clearing the town limits we hit route 66 in earnest with its long stretches of lonely barren straight roads.

Route 66 does not do bends.

We drove past dust engulfed outposts in the desert scrub as the sun beat down on us. It was awesome, just like you see in the movies. Nothing much happened apart from the beautiful shifting scenery and the odd comical Burma Shave sign with their pearls of wisdom scattered along the route. We did not meet hardly another vehicle so were able to maintain a steady 65mph all the way with no interruptions. It was sheer bliss to drive. Move over Peter Fonda, there is a new Easy Rider in town! A bonus was all the local radio stations played 70's,80's and 90's driving rock.

I really need to watch my speed or will end up in more of these awkward positions.

   Route 66 does not actually exist anymore as it has all been upgraded since it's heyday to more mainstream freeways but some sections still remain. It soon blended into a freeway after Seligman and did not appear again until our first stop for the night at a small town called Williams which was the last town in America to have a route 66 bypass built. Here we stayed in a motel actually on route 66 which rather than being the nightmares that you see on American action and cult films was actually very comfortable and clean. Here we would stop for 3 nights as this was the access point for us to visit the Grand Canyon a small diversion from route 66.
 An early start next morning and a surprise for us. Due the the elevation in altitude at about 6000ft (which is nearly 2 times higher than Mount Snowdon in Wales) there was a heavy frost and the air temperature was hovering around freezing. We scraped the frost off the windows, loaded up on petrol and coffee and hit the highway. We climbed for another 1000ft and the air temperature dropped below freezing and there was patches of snow appearing along the roadside. The backdrop turned to pine forest and signs to beware of bears and elks started popping up. By the time we hit the national park limits and paid our $30 entry fee we had climbed to 7200ft and it was -2c on the car thermometer.  But the sun was peeping through the early morning cloud so we put on all our cold weather clothes and ventured out to the visitor centre which gave us our desired intinery for the day. We then walked over to the south rim view point and when we first viewed the canyon it took our breath away as it was so wide and so deep it looked surreal. Coupled with the morning frosty mist it had a moody atmosphere. Next we were accosted by a cheeky squirrel who kept begging us for food. By the look of the size of him he was very successful with his begging.

Please sir, can I have some more?

   We then continued with the rim walk which follows the cliff edge of the canyon for 2.5 miles taking in various view points. At one there was a family of elks who sneaked up behind me in the trees while I was taking photos of the canyon. Kathy was shouting for my attention but I was too busy snapping away that by the time I looked around one of them was only a 2 feet away from me and startled me to the point I nearly lost my balance and would of plunged down the rock face.  Kathy also rescued an abandoned teddy bear found over the edge of the footpath - never did reunite him with his owner so he's now been adopted by her and rides up front in the car keeping lookout.

'Get outta my way baldy before I bite you!'

  By mid day the sun had burnt the morning cloud off and it became quite warm as we walked along the rim path. We ended up at a lodge where they had a nice open fire and toilets. The park ran shuttle buses so we did not have to walk back to the car park. So we jumped on the bus, grabbed a coffee, and got back in the car to explore some of the more remote view points. By now the sun was fully out and it was really pleasant making for some better photos. After 6 hours we had seen enough so headed back to our hotel at Williams for a rest as we were knackered from all the walking.The best part of coming this time of year is there are no crowds and you don't get burnt. Later we had dinner at a Mexican in town which was good but the bars were empty so gave them a miss.

Kathy sized up a spectacular base jump.Teddy hitches a ride in her fleece.

   Next day was a short trip to a place called Bearizona where they had a safari on offer where you could drive around the forestry and view bears, wolves, bison and other native critters. The wolves were scary as they circle the cars looking for anything to eat.

Being mugged by wolves.

They also had a walk around section where you could view bobcats, birds of prey, black bear cubs which were super cute,foxes and a  jaguar. It was really set out well and we had a wicked time checking out all the animals.

Route 66 is big business here.

Afterwards we headed downtown to Williams and walked around checking out all the heavily branded route 66 shops, bars, cafes, gas stations and diners. It was a really cool town to hang out in and had plenty of sights. Dinner was at Taco Bell which was the usual fast food non event.

"I can't bear you all staring at me anymore"

Las Vegas, Nevada

They say whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  We can understand why as this place is unbelievable. You can't explain it in words, you just have to visit. To sum it up it is too lavish, too easy, too extreme and not easy to tear yourself away from .......as long as you have deep pockets .....anything is possible.

Place your bets please.

   Leaving San Francisco on Southwest airlines which was the most bizarre flight ever. The pilot first joked about our destination, telling all the passengers that we were going to Sacramento which caused a momentary uproar and us a personal panic attack until he confessed that it was a joke and we were in fact on the correct flight. Then he carried on joking about the weather over Vegas saying it was a bit windy and to hold on to our seat belts as it could get rough. All through the flight the crew kept cracking jokes which was fun but somewhat unnerving if your flying experience is Ryanair and Sleazyjet. Anyway the flight was excellent with big comfy seats, free drinks and snacks served and good legroom. Not bad for a budget carrier. The crew though were a bit more down to earth though. Having come from Air Asia where all the crew looked like super models, the crew of Southwest looked like they just started Weight Watchers. They were both enormous. Every time the rather rotund male air steward passed me, I had the pleasure of his huge belly caressing the side of my face. (which was often).

Even the dogs were huge.

   Arriving in Las Vegas we boarded a transfer out to our 'strip' hotel Circus Circus. The hotel was a typical strip establishment. It was huge, the biggest hotel I have ever seen. On the first day we got lost in it.......and the second day we got lost again.....and even on the 3rd day could not find our way around it, even to find the lobby. There were slot machines and casinos as far as the eye could see and every imaginable luxury you could name. And it was 24 hours. It really was the city that did not sleep.

Welcome to Las .....Cairo?

  After checking in, where there was a queue to check in with at least 20 receptionists working flat out to accommodate all the guests, we found our room which was HUGE and had two massive beds which are the best we've ever had. It was even more comfortable than our own bed at home! It did not take long for us to venture into the corridors of the hotel to explore. Here we found an entire 'Alton Towers' under a circus style domed roof, a huge casino, a circus with all day live acts for free, shops, restaurants, massage parlours, tour agents, Vince Neil's restaurant (him of Motley Crue fame)......the list goes on.......anything you want , it was here. It was all a bit overwhelming for us both to be honest as the scale and extravagance of it all was mind blowing. We eventually settled on a Mexican place and filled our bellies with some spicy fare which was excellent with portions that would make your stomach sore. It was proving very hard not to like America as everything was so easy and in excess of any expectations. The only downside was it was hellishly expensive. Our budget was out the window. San Fran was unnervingly hard on us but Las Vegas threatened to bankrupt us if we did not show a bit of self control. So much was on offer to us it was hard to make decisions on what to take and what to leave. You could have a compliment of shows from Donnie and Marie, Elton John, Britney Spears, Queens of the Stone Age, or plump for any of the daytime expositions such as indoor skydiving, virtual reality adventure, water immersion massage, oxygen rejuvenation, or just a roller coaster on top of a skyscraper. The list was endless.

How about a roller coaster above New York city?

  Next day we ambled down the strip from our hotel, wandering into the hotels that line the strip. We walked all day and only managed half the strip. It was totally mind blowing the sheer scale and extravagance of these resorts. A lot of the time we would just stand still and look around in awe in the vastness of it all. Whatever you have seen on T.V. is only half the story......in the flesh it was obscene. We wandered through Treasure Island, Wynns, Encore, Paris, Bellagio, Bally, Caesars Palace, Mirage, Harrahs, looking at all the free shows and taking in the amazing architecture.

At night the strip became a different beast.

 On the second day we ventured to the top end of the strip to take in Mandalay Bay, Luxor, Excalibur, New York, MGM Grand.... the list goes on as we can't remember some of them as they just blend into each other. Even Donald Trump had his own resort. In the evening we went to an all American diner called Denny's which served up some gut busting portions that would defiantly give you a heart attack if you went too often. One portion could easily have done both of us.

Our winning moment.

  On our ramblings we stopped to have a play on the slots at a casino. It would not right not to have a go even though we are both not gamblers. We found a Sons of Anarchy machine and put our dollar in to play and on our first spin won a substantial amount so cashed it in and thanked lady luck. You think only these things happen on T.V.. We also stopped to see a circus show which highlighted with this dude balancing on a sword with his chin upside down. Also we witnessed exploding Atlantis style water and fire shows, indoor rain forest storms and choreographed water fountains. There was still a lot we wanted to do and see in Vegas but after 3 nights we were exhausted. Next day we had booked a car for 2 weeks so we could do our dream road trip on the old route 66.

Kathy was more impressed with his tight leather pants rather than the balancing feat. 

San Francisco, USA

First of all we have a maths lesson. If you start at 5am in Cebu in the Philippines and fly to Manila, then fly to Taiwan then another flight to San Francisco and it takes you 28 hours what day and time do you arrive. Any idea?
The answer is 2.30pm the same day! Our 8th of February was a total of 40.5hours. The longest day ever. As you fly against the rotation of the earths time it literally goes backwards so we went from 8 hours in front of the U.K. to 8 hours behind of the U.K. plus the time we were in transit transversing all those time zones. Thus when we arrived in San Francisco we did not sleep very well as our body clocks were so out of sync for the first 2 nights.

She loves kids really.

  When we departed the plane at San Francisco airport, a rare flash of excitement overcame us as it soon dawned on us everything was more familiar, efficient, English was the primary language and things were easy to decipher. We breezed through immigration and boarded the local BART train to downtown which took about 30 minutes. From the station it was a 15 minute walk to our hostel through some run down streets called Tenderloin which had loads of street bums (homeless) hassling us for money or whatever but surprisingly were very polite and non threatening. All of them however had enough money on them to have a massive weed joint hanging out of their mouth so can't be that bad off. In fact our first impressions of San Fran was that every other person on the street was smoking a joint. It was like it was still the 60's here. Unless you have been to San Fran we can not describe how intense the hills are. We were staying in a nice but funny place in the centre of town called Nob Hill. The climb to our hostel with our 25kg of luggage on our backs was intense to say the least. When we arrived at reception I was hoping a defibrillator was in an easy to obtain location as I was sure either Kathy or myself would be needing it. Basically San Fran is outrageously expensive so we had to plump for the cheapest place (within reason) downtown. But against our expectations the room was good if a little worn at the edges in a classic old grand San Fran block. It had a kitchen, laundry, Internet room and in our room we had a fridge and microwave. (and a massive t.v.) Even in U.S.A. their most budget rooms are equivalent to Asia's best rooms.

Everybody has gone Kung Fu Fighting.

  After unpacking we hit the streets of San Francisco to see if Karl Malden was about and found a booze shop and bought some supplies. Again we were taken aback at the cost of food and booze even compared to U.K. prices. After coming from Asia where everything was peanuts, we quickly realised that our budget was out the window and we had to just go with the flow. Eating out was a no no so we decided it was best to cook back at the hostel where it had an ample kitchen for use.  The only saving grace was that we could pick up a nice bottle of red wine for £3 that would cost £10 plus in England. Also we found out on the news that someone was shot dead on the street just on the next street to the hostel that night so were kind of weary of going out downtown after dark.

Yikes! Look out Roadrunner.

  Next day we cruised the streets of San Fran. First we bought a SIM for the phone. Then we did Union Square then onto China Town. The shops were kooky and the vistas sublime. We then headed to the North Beach area and went up to the Coit tower which afforded remarkable views over the harbour and the rest of San Fran. We had to admit already we loved San Fran. It was clean, friendly, had hardly any traffic and every corner had something beautiful to observe. It was totally agreeable.

Shark sandwich.

   Eventually we ended up at Fisherman's wharf which most tourists do at some point and glanced around the overly touristic set up. The best bit was at the end of pier 39 we watched sea lions argue amongst themselves to get the best positions on the floating wharfs. We then marched further dabbling in curious diversions such as a Zoltar machine identical to the one Tom Hanks made famous in the film Big and a by gone amusement arcade with old machines from our youth such as Space Invaders and PAC man.

Please Zoltar make me big. 

 We became so engrossed of the bombardment of things to look at before we knew it the day was over so we headed back, up the rear end of Nob Hill which was an exhausting climb, ending up eventually back at the hostel. As alcohol was so expensive it felt like prohibition was still in effect so we decided that night life was out of our reach thus down to our friendly liquor store where we had a lesson in American slang from the owner. One thing we did notice when going out at night on our little excursions was the amount of homeless people on the street. You just don't expect it from the richest country in the world.

Captain Dangerous protects Dayglo Man, Ice T and 'Florence and the Machine' from any danger.

   Next day was a ride in one of the vintage cable cars that ply the city streets. We bought our 7 buck tickets from the booth but when we arrived to ride we found a humongous queue where a tour party had commandeered the rides for the next hour. Not wanting to wait that long we caught a normal bus full of not very normal people, in fact it was full of the cast of one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Kathy was lucky enough to have some crackpot sitting next to her shouting out random numbers and writing them with her Sharpie on a paper bag in a random manner. When I glanced around the bus I thought we had mistakenly caught the Broadmoor express. It was a loony bin but kept me fascinated for the next 20 minutes but as for Kathy, she was not so amused. Arriving at North Beach and with unseasonably high temperatures we hired bikes to explore the Bay region. We scored an amazing deal where the entire cost of the bike hire (which was outrageous) being given to us as credit to spend in their outdoor equipment warehouse. Called Basically Free Bike Hire, they proved true to their word and we stocked up on cold weather warm clothing for our next destination in Las Vegas where the night time temperatures in the desert dip to -1. Ohhh, chilly!

Bridging the gap.

 We then cycled on to the iconic Golden Gate Bridge via some nice beaches where the locals were enjoying the balmy weather. After a nice but windy cycle on the bridge which was amazingly busy with cyclists we headed back into town and ambled about on the bikes taking in San Fran life which consisted of random BBQ's, games of volleyball, boozy music infested gatherings all done in a manner that you would see on any American soap. It was all a bit surreal to see this was how they actually live and it was not just for T.V. It was soooooo glamorous. Everybody was shouting out 'look at me' whether it was over the top gay, black, Chinese or Caucasian, it did not matter. Everybody was ultra friendly and polite. Every shop was like you going around to your best friends and having a chat. Americans are very familiar and upfront supporting massive confidence and egos. We then went onto Lombard street which is that crazy street you may have seen on Films which zig zag's  at tight angles down a steep hill.

Who needs Monte Carlo.

 The climb up there finally finished Kathy off though on the bikes so we returned them to the depot and surprisingly Kathy got a second wind when we passed some shops and she indulged in her favourite pastime.....retail therapy. I don't do shopping, but being the perfect partner, I indulged her whim considering I had made her cycle over some extreme terrain in San Fran which she took on with some gusto. We then headed for the cable cars which we had earlier aborted for the return leg but found it awash with tourists. Luckily after not waiting for very long the conductor shouted out he needed 2 more to ride the outside foot boards standing which Kathy and I, being the daredevils we are decided we could do to jump the queue. Next thing we were rumbling along the mean streets of San Fran hanging off a street car with all the motorists looking at us. The only downside is if you fall off on the corner than it's tough. There is no safety in mind being a turn of the century streetcar so you take your chances. We did and survived with big grins on our faces.  Eventually we did get back to the hostel and out on another evening shopping spree and street bum dodging. Kathy even got wolf whistled from a passing SUV!

The security at this hotel was exemplary (Alcatraz!)

 Next day was an early start to catch the first boat of the day the day to Alcatraz Prison, AKA 'The Rock'. Having a cunning plan to entice Kathy there and lock her in a cell and leave her in the inescapable nightmare of the prison, we arrived and took the guided tour. Unfortunately the cells would not lock being decommissioned back in 1963 so Kathy enjoyed the tour and we both made it back to the mainland. The 'rock' though was an amazing tour and the sight of the rows of cells and the cold wind whistling through the glassless windows made an uncomfortable moral experience. The cells were bleak and this is one place you would not want to be detained in. Back on the safety of the mainland we decided that our next leg to Utah was going to be cold being at such high altitude this time of year so went down a dodgy part of town called the Mission district to buy some cheap cold weather clobber. Trying not to be mowed down by mobility electric wheelchair street bums who somehow managed to swerve around the streets while high on spliff ,we got what we needed and headed back to base to edit the 4375 photos that Kathy had over zealously taken of Alcatraz.
  Job done we headed down to do the laundry and then cooked dinner. While eating we got sucked into a conversation with other travellers which we usually avoid which undoubtedly turns into a boasting competition about the places that you have visited previously which we always win with ease so don't bother. So after listening to how this unheard place in Thailand was' totally awesome' being even better than anything anyone else had ever done in the world before themselves, we made our excuses and left with our £3 bottle of wine which was running low. (but we had another in the bedroom......hurrah.)

There was no holding 'The Psycho' from escaping The Rock.

Next morning the alarm did not go off as we forgot to set it (due to over indulgence in red wine) so got up late which was unfortunate as we had a flight to catch to Las Vegas. A mad rush ensued as we tried to pack and tie up loose ends at the hostel, walk down to the BART stop and luckily made it to Oakland airport on time battling with the infamous all American security checks which was rigourous. Viva Las Vegas!

Moalboal, Philippines. (Moalboal to Cebu by bus)

From Oslob to get to Moalboal we had to circumnavigate the island by the means of 2 buses. One a hours journey to Bato and then a quick change to another bus in the direction of Cebu. Another 2.5 hours of being bucked around in our seats at breakneck speeds and sudden braking we arrived at Moalboal. It was another ramshackle kind of place with a chaotic feel about it but it had potential. Luckily there was an ATM next to the bus stop which was just a tin sheet shelter on the side of the road so we managed to get money out which was lucky as we were down to our last few quid. We haggled with a tricycle driver who came down from 200 pesos to 60 for a ride to our cottage which we had booked. When we got there, no one was about and it was all a bit deserted. We hanged about looking lost for a while until someone passing in the street saw us looking pensive and knew some sort of acquaintance that knew the owner. A few phone calls later they told us our place was 'down the road in another building'. Sounding like we were being duped again we argued our case but with them being fully booked we had no option but to follow them down the road to our cottage. On the outside it looked fabulous but when we got inside there was a flurry of activity going on and the place looked like someone was still living there. Our suspicions were confirmed when a lady with 3 teeth in her head informed us that it was indeed her daughters or niece's house and occasionally she rented it out for cash. This was cold comfort as we paid top dollar for what Booking.com described as something more enticing. The price presented was less than we expected to pay so decided to take the place. In the deal we received 20 free mosquitoes that were very hungry and were replaced free of charge every morning and evening.

Mosquito Mansion in all its glory. 

 Also in the deal was no toilet seat, although we found one dumped out back so cleaned it up and jammed it on the throne to save our delicate cheeks from porcelain dead cheek syndrome. We are too old to squat. The wifi was also missing. We complained as usual which is one thing we are good at and on the last day of our stay was presented with a router. Proud as punch the owner/caretaker/toothless woman was (we had no idea who she was) plugged it in. I soon cut her down to size when I explained that it needed a telephone line to make it work but after trying to explain for 5 minutes the concept of wifi she would not accept that it needed a telephone line so we went without internet our whole stay which was becoming the norm now. But we did have a nice shiney new router flashing away at us for an evening which made a nice budget disco atmosphere. There was also a room that she told us it was out of bounds, so as soon as she left us we went straight in the room and removed goodies that would make our stay more comfy. One item was an electronic mosquito killer, shaped like a tennis racket and it was Kathy's favourite toy, giving off a very satisfying electrical bzzzzzz when a target was destroyed.
  We also secured a rental bike from another woman who I got no idea where she was from but showed up and demanded to keep our passports which we declined because she looked too trampy to trust so fobbed her off with a photo copy and told her we were having a discount which she put up no protest about. Job done.
  When we looked out the back window all we saw was like a shanty town with kids, dogs, roosters all running about with huts that looked like a strong gust of wind would demolish.  Welcome to the Philippines!
  Undeterred we hit the road and went to a supermarket to buy supplies as we had a kitchen back at the mosquito mansion. The supermarket was a joke with queues so long we spent longer trying to pay than actually shopping.

Not he best name for an alcoholic drink for a quiet night in.

  Next day was so hot, it had us wilting by 9am so we chilled out in front of the fan but the heat got us agitated so we hit Panagsama beach for a spot of snorkeling which is what we came to do. We hired some poor quality snorkels and some reef shoes and went out to the reef wall which is only 30 metres out from the beach. Here we saw a fantastic phenomenon of a shoal of sardines, hundreds of thousands in numbers, all hanging about off the reef wall only 5 metres down doing fantastic shapes around us as they spooked themselves and flocked together for protection. It was just like something you would see on one of those wildlife programs on the Discovery channel. We went out for a second session and were lucky enough to have a giant turtle for company for 10 minutes who did not mind at all us observing him having his lunch. In the afternoon we went down White Beach which had nice sand but this was coupled with more rubbish about. Kathy had a beer while I went out to snorkel but the sea had become cloudy so was disappointing. We tried to watch sunset but cloud cover on an adjacent island blocked the view. We were entertained though by some Koreans trying desperately to launch their kite but ended up with it getting stuck in a tree and Kathy and myself being amused with them trying to recover the kite from the tree which was unsuccessful.
  Back at mosquito mansions we battled with the fresh influx and revelled in the only English channel on the T.V. which happened to be brain numbing American re-runs. Kathy was by now developing a very awesome backhand smash which was annihilating the mosquito population but I was still getting bitten on a regular interval.

White beach. I am sure Apartheid would have something to say about this. 

  Next day we had a choice. We could go to Kawasan falls or go and explore more of the reef at Panangsama beach. One was 17km away and one was 4km away. An easy choice, we ended up at Panangsama and hired some better quality snorkels and reef shoes and went to a new spot on the south beach which turned out to be awesome. Apart from the usual sardine shoals we saw loads of amazing coral and a ridiculous amount of fish including stone fish and parrot fish and loads of fish I have no idea what they are called. We went for a second snorkel after lunch but the sea was a bit cloudier so was not so good. A sun downer followed with beer overlooking the beach. Back at mosquito mansion we had the builders in! The owners deciding that we needed a place to store our scooter overnight, had took it upon themselves to organise a group of builders to tear down our fence that was our only protection from the shanty town dossers and start building a bike park in front of our veranda. Not too chuffed at this, Kath sent me to remonstrate with the 3 toothed woman of unknown authority or ownership across the road (thanks Kath!) to declare my dis-satisfaction of the arrangement. She tried to palm me off with some flannel but with me having a far superior tooth count I out ranked her and demanded the work stopped immediately and to my surprise it did. Bald man 1, 3 Toothed women 0...... 3 points in the bag!

The bus stop at Moalboal. Hands on hips is mandatory protocol to all passengers.

After the rush of adrenaline that was Moalboal we caught a bus from an excuse of a bus stop to Cebu for an overnight stop at a very nice place near the airport called Little Norway which surprisingly was run by a very jolly Norweigen and he had  the best place that we had stayed at in the Philippines so far which was ironic for our last night.  We did not do anything in Cebu as it can be a little edgy for foreigners and it's sights unspectacular so having wifi available again we caught up on all our uploading. Next day was a 5am start for a flight to Manila, where we would make a stopover in Taiwan. We hung out there for half a day then connected for a flight to San Francisco. A total of 28 hours travelling in 24hrs. Work that out!

Oslob, Cebu. (Oslob to Moalboal by bus)

The taxi picked us up from our mountain retreat which this time was a car to our relief and dropped us off at the port. The 2 hour boat ride back to Cebu was uneventful and pleasant enough at 500 pesos each. At Cebu we stole someone else's Grab Taxi (the driver encouraged us to do this!) who took us to the southern bus terminal where an air-con bus was waiting and left straight away. The bus journey was good with movies being shown and a couple of episodes of Mr Bean thrown in for good measure. After 3.5 hours we arrived at Oslob which was a tiny town and our hotel was only a 3 minute walk from the bus stop called Luna house hostel. The hotel was a new build and our room was good, if a tad smaller than we were used to but had air-con, big flat screen with American T.V. and breakfast included on the roof overlooking the jungle.  We quickly hired a scooter off some woman who was hanging about. Not sure who she was but lived next door in what looked like a squat and did not ask for any deposit for her brand new bike. It had not even done 1000km’s yet. Very trusting!

Help! Get me out. It's frigging freezing in here.

We went out to explore and ended up at Tumalog Falls waterfall. There was a 20 peso entry after a walk down a steep hill. The falls were O.K. and the bottom had a nice pale blue pool where you could swim and stand under the falling water to get pummelled although they call it a massage. It wasn’t that enjoyable….more painful really.  The water was icy cold as well even though it was a hot day so after 5 minutes you want to get out. I gave it a go but Kathy decided it was too cold for her. We avoided the suicide bike riders that whisk you to the top at breakneck speed and walked back up to the car park. Here we jumped on the bike to check out whale shark watching. We arrived about mid-day and it was closed to new comers as they were packing up for the day, so we pumped them for info and decided to do it the next day.
  Needing to get more cash as the Philippines was proving more expensive than we expected we tried in Oslob but the only ATM would not accept our cards. We then drove 17km down to a town called Santander to try another ATM which also proved fruitless. Now we were in a position where we had limited money for the next 3 days as could not get any out. Times like this makes you realise just where you are in the world and how cut off you are without access to money. To make matters worse there was no internet at the hotel due to some technical issue. To save some money we bought some food at the shop and cooked back at the hotel as they had a fully kitted out kitchen. There were not many choices in town anyway with the usual burnt fish stands and a pizza place that was always full up with tourists.

The great white only nibbled our toes.

  An early start(ish)and we arrived at the whale shark centre next day at about 7.30. Luckily a tour guide we spoke to the day before told us not to get there before that time as the light would not be good for photos. After paying our fees and getting briefed on how to react in the water with the whale sharks, being told we would receive big fines or even jail if we tried to touch the whale sharks, we grabbed our snorkel gear, life jackets and Go Pro camera that we hired on the beach. We were put clumsily into a boat with some other random tourists and rowed out to the spot where they feed the whale sharks to encourage them to stay in that spot. As soon as we got off the boat and put our masks on, we looked under the water to see this massive wide open mouth of a whale shark coming straight at us. Got to admit, we did panic as we were not prepared on how big these fish were and were definitely not prepared on how close they came to us. It was all we could do to avoid contact with them, scrabbling back to the safety of the boat outriggers for protection so we did not get accused of touching them and bunged in jail. The boat crew were really good, taking all the photos for us and getting in the water to point out where the whale sharks were coming from. To be honest to start with it was a bit overwhelming as they seemed to be coming at us from all angles but we soon  got a good position and settled down to a half hour interaction which was as incredible as you would expect. The time went really quickly and next thing we knew we were back on the beach and being pressured by boat pirates to go off to Sumilon Island to go diving with them. Having limited money we declined and headed back to the hotel for breakfast and to get our phone which we forgot to take to get our photos loaded onto. They put them on a CD but we had nothing to view them on. After breakfast we headed back with a memory stick and the chap at the photo centre kindly transferred them for us so we could view them on the computer. We then went off to another set of waterfalls on the other side of the island called Aguinid falls. When we arrived they informed us we needed a guide and a wet bag among other stuff which we had not prepared for so just had a coconut to drink from and headed back to the hotel. This time we cut across the top of the island which was spectacular in the mountains, with cloud forest and great views, the road twisting through the jungle, washed away in places and totally unpopulated.

I couldn't fall because Kathy said she would kill me if I got the camera wet.

  Next day we decided we did not have enough money to go visiting the island for a snorkel so went back to the waterfall at Aguinid, this time prepared for adventure. Kathy decided it might not be her thing when we were briefed so sat it out at level 1. I went for it and had two guides to myself. I also hired some wet shoes which were recommended to climb the falls. There were 5 levels where you could walk up the face of the water falls with the help of a rope. There was no health a safety here. If you fell….than it’s tough luck. Some of it was very dodgy, having to scramble up using tree roots and then they told me to dive into a pool off a cliff which turned out only to be 6ft deep and I ended up with my back hitting the bottom stones. Ouch! The top level was the highest and the best as it had a secret cave behind the waterfall curtain of water that you go into. Another fresh coconut after and a mass of mosquitoes to boot, we headed back to town and actually got a place at the pizza restaurant but after such a long wait the pizza was below average.

Don't you just hate back seat drivers.

  One of the standout moments of our stay here were some of the freaks staying at the hotel. In particular were a couple of Russian men, about 50-60 years old, sharing a room on the roof top (one double bed!). Every morning at breakfast they would arrive, grab a glass and fill it up with strong beer before their breakfast even arrived. Sometimes they had some brandy to wash it down and by lunchtime the Brandy was empty (big bottle!) so they wobbled off down to the shop and came back with more brandy, a nice bottle of wine to go with their further bottles of Colt 45 beer. That’s what I call a cocktail. They mostly walked around in their underpants looking dishevelled on the roof top smoking fags and boozing.

Oslob was a cool place to hang out, people mostly stay 1 night and move on but we are glad we stayed 4 nights to experience the backwater of Cebano life. Kids rolling tyres down dusty streets having a race, school kids in their immaculate uniforms pigging out on junk food from the local 7-11 after school, random Karaoke breakouts (no one can sing here but it is bad manners to give disparaging remarks to the singer), every Cebano owns a cock which they use for cock fighting (it’s a major pastime here, even being shown on T.V. for the big fights). The streets are riddled with stray dogs all shagging each other non stop and barking at anything that walks past, mostly at 4am in the morning outside your hotel window. That and the chorus of 100 local roosters in the morning it was not hard to get out of bed early to start the day. No wonder breakfast started at 6am! With the dusty streets, unpredictable weather, noisy tricycles whizzing about, smoke bellowing BBQ stalls, suicide bus drivers it was certainly not boring.

How considerate.

 Our next stop is a shortish bus ride to the other side of the island to a place called Moalboal where we hope there is an ATM as we have no money left so may have to get our begging caps out.  

Baclayon, Bohol. (Tagbilaran to Oslob by boat and bus)

Can you find Mr Gecko playing hide and seek?

I wandered down to the main road in Alona beach and found a bunch of shady looking tricycle drivers and asked for a quote to our next destination Baclayon which was on Bohol Island. It was a short hop considering at 26km but a heated exchange broke out between the drivers as they jostled each other for my custom. Eventually the alpha male of the gaggle presented himself to me and we arrived at a mutually agreeable price for the transport. I jumped aboard and we picked Kathy and all our luggage up from Bananaland then set out for a very cramped and uncomfortable journey to our next accommodation which was a mountain retreat in the jungle. When I booked it, I did not realise how out of the way it was. We were travelling up a very steep hill when the tricycle decided it did not like it with all the weight on board and next thing we noticed the driver had lost control and we had left the road and had a large flowery bush trying to get in the cabin with us. At this point it became comical as we both had to disembark the tricycle as it did not have enough power to get up the hill and it was stuck halfway. We started to walk up the hill in the blistering heat laughing at how we get into these scrapes but the tricycle was not coming. We looked back to see the driver doing some impressive wheelies and burning his clutch out with all the weight of our luggage in the back. The driver summoned Kathy back indicating he needed some ballast over the front wheel to stop the tricycle from trying to mate with the bush again. Again the tricycle went off at strange tangents across the road and I could tell by the exasperated expression on the tricycle drivers face that this was fast becoming an end game and he was going to dump us in the middle of nowhere. The only option  I could see was for Kathy and I to push. So that’s what we did, having to push our own taxi up the hill until we got to a flatter plain. We then reboarded and drove on but the road turned into a dirt track which then turned into a flooded field., Being guided by our phone GPS, I was having serious concerns that I had plotted the wrong address into our Maps.me App and our tricycle driver kept looking at us in disbelief and I could not blame him as we ventured deeper into the jungle. Just as the drivers patience was about to be exhausted we found our new digs at the Vidas Mountain Stay.

View from our studio.

The approach to it was an extreme incline so envisaging the tricycle ending up with the front wheel reaching for the sky again and us mating with another bush, we told the driver to drop us at the bottom of the hill at which point he asked us for a bonus payment for his troubles. Not really in a position to refuse we paid him the extra which would help towards a new clutch that he would no doubt be requiring when he eventually got home. The climb to the reception, which was at the highest point of the complex as you would expect carrying 25kg of luggage each, was torturous and when we arrived I thought Kathy and I were going into cardiac arrest the way we were both gasping for air. We met a dippy but charming young lady called Dianne who we would later find out had a memory of a goldfish and who seemed to have given our booking to someone else which was remarkable as they only had 2 units for hire. They palmed us off with a studio apartment which did not have the same killer views as the other rooms but was bigger and had a kitchenette which turned out to be invaluable in the days to come being in the middle of nowhere. We still complained though at their foolish administration and they quickly knocked 20% off the studio price so attaining the upper hand we decided to extend our stay. That was good business for us.

Join the dots to spell mosquito.

   So we had no shops, nowhere to eat, and no transport but some great views and it was so quiet. Feeling like Robinson Crusoe did when he was stranded on a desert island we needed a bike to get out. One was soon delivered to us from a local company, who sensing we had no choice in the matter decided to overcharge us. That done we ventured into town….well I call it a town but it was more like a village from medieval times. It did have a pizza shack so that was appreciated and a shop that sold beer which was also a relief but apart from the local haberdashery of a market that was it. No bars, no restaurants, just curious locals. Back at the studio we got Dippy Dianne to load us up with a few home comforts which included a DVD player so we could watch at last, our series 3 Peaky Blinders disc that we had been carrying around since Borneo. We had been trying in every destination for someone to transfer it onto our memory stick but had found no one capable of doing it. You just take for granted your level of education and computer skills and expect everybody else to have a similar level of understanding but this is not the case. If it can’t be done by smartphone then no one is interested. Unfortunately Dippy Dianne had lost the remote control so we watched the first 2 episodes and then found out we could not progress on to the other episodes. Dohh! Luckily we had multi channel bad American TV so the evenings weren’t so so bad coupled with a glass or two of Red Horse beers.

Take me to your leader....we come in peace.

  The next day we hit the road, or rather the dirt tracks to the Tarsier rehabilitation centre near Corella. The drive there was an agonising bump and grind across country in the jungle but was worth the effort as we saw 5 of the cute little beasties hanging out in the jungle. Being nocturnal they were mostly asleep but still accessible to photograph. Silence had to be adhered to at all times and you were not allowed to invade their personal space so the ethics of the centre were reasonable. Kathy and I were thrilled to finally see these shy and rare creatures as they are now endangered because man is destroying all their habitat and they commit suicide if stressed at all so can not be kept as pets.
 After this visit the heavens opened up so we took refuge at a place called Nutz Hutz near Loboc which is a backpacker nirvana on the banks of the Loboc river in an impressive valley with a restaurant posessing a vista of wall to wall pristine jungle. We had some excellent food and fresh coffee while we watched the rain lash down in the jungle for a couple of hours. Luckily they had a good supply of reading material. When the rain stopped, the sky still looked moody so we retreated back to safety of the studio.

Nutz hutz had the most perfect view from the restaurant.

  Next day, running low on supplies and needing to check out travel connections for our next leg to Oslob on Cebu Island, (and get money out which was proving more and more of an issue)we drove into the biggest town Tagbilaran. There we promptly got lost and drove around in circles for a while until we found the port. Again we had trouble finding the tickets we wanted to get the shortest route to Argao. The time that the boat left in the morning made it impossible to make the connection in view of where we were located so had to plump the long way around by getting tickets back to Cebu and then get a bus down to Oslob.  We then found downtown and stocked up on all sorts of goodies that were hard to find elsewhere and drove back to base with our booty.
 Next day we headed to see the Chocolate hills which were visually enchanting and worth the long drive. We broke the journey up by doing a zipline over the Loboc river gorge which was incredible, if it was only a 40 second buzz. We were launched off the side of the gorge and plunged into the jungle laying down in canopy beds is the best way to describe it. The return journey was by a rickety cable car that was slow and left you suspended across the gorge for amazing unspoilt views of the river and jungle below. Also we enjoyed the Tarsier visit so much the other day we passed another more commercial visitor centre so took a look in there. The Tarsiers were more accessible but again mostly asleep but made for some killer photos.

They lied to us. A bit hilly but not made of chocolate.

   Driving around Bohol, it was so beautiful, hardly populated with vast stretches of pristine green jungle intermingled with emerald green rice paddies. Every corner had a new vista. It could be a mahogany forest, a sweeping river, a jungle laden gorge or an unexpected limestone protrusion for your eyes to feast on. At times it was hard to keep my eyes on the road. Also it had far fewer tourists which made it more unique.
 Back at the studio we found that we had a visitor behind the TV mount which at very odd moments decided to shout at enormous volume “gecko, gecko” at us. Sensing our sleep was about to be interrupted by this monster on steroids we evicted it from behind the TV with a long stick. It retaliated by dispatching some menacing growls at us which I have to admit were scary. When we did poke it out it was a lot bigger than we expected and now it was mad. It proceeded to thrash around the studio trying to find a safe and dark place to hide, freaking us out with its speed. (it was after we had a few Red horse beers so were excitable to say the least) The original plan was to catch it in a box but it was too feisty for us to handle so lobbed flip flops at it to direct it to the door so it could escape to the outside.  When we accomplished this which took longer than we anticipated due to our poor flip flop bunging skills, I checked outside to see if it was O.K. to find there were loads of them on the wall all ganging up on us like a scene from a Stephen King movie, so I shut the door promptly and double locked it to try to thwart their entry into our den for their expected feeding frenzy. Sleep was a bit broken that night.

Begin launch sequence for blast off.

  Next day after the excitement of the day before we just chilled out, caught up on some stuff like laundry that dippy Dianne promptly lost and then forgot to order our taxi for the morning. Luckily her parents were a bit more on the ball so they arranged it for us otherwise I envisaged us being stranded here in the land that time forgot. The A/C also decided to spill its guts all over the floor and then the light stopped working due to the socket being rusty. We did not report it to Dippy Dianne as I could imagine her sticking  her fingers in the light socket while standing in the pool of water of the spilt guts of the A/C unit and giving us a free human firework display then giving us the dilemma of what to do with the corpse. Overall we totally loved Bohol as it was unspoilt and the locals friendly.
Next destination is Oslob for whale shark swimming.

There you are you noisy bugger! Now get out of here........